Calling All Ugly Ninjas

Written by

In which anonymous Tipster reports mysterious Figure.

Last night, around midnight, I saw a mysterious figure putting up these posters around campus. When I asked her what they were all about, she said that she likes to “jump around the roofs of Hartley” and is looking for a sidekick to accompany her. When I asked her how she even got up there, she said “I have secret ways that I can’t tell you unless you end up becoming my sidekick.”  Then we had the following dialogue:

Figure: It’s hard because, well, the problem is that your sidekick really has to be just a little bit less attractive than you are.

Tipster: Is that why you’re requiring pictures?  To make sure they’re uglier than you?                                      

Figure: Maybe.                                   

Since then, every single poster that I saw has been taken down.  It is possible that there are others that I have missed, but last night, I saw three different ones that are now gone.  I don’t know if this implies an overwhelming interest, or a change of heart on the part of the post-er, or that the pre-existing Ninjas are upset by the prospect of competition and have sought to discourage it. Perhaps this is simply the business of the night.

Tags: , ,


  1. typo  

    "buisness of the night"

  2. the ninja's dilemma  

    I don't think the sidekick *necessarily* has to be less attractive than the main ninja. The whole point of the master - sidekick dynamic is a degree of sexual tension: witness batman and robin, or chip and dale.

  3. Anonymous  

    in case you were looking for another flyer, it can be found on a poll on the 4th floor in lerner....

  4. probably  

    it was just people who wanted the posters.

  5. Anonymous  

    If you're dressed in ninja garb, does it really matter if you're attractive?

    • YES!  

      because aside from Chris Farley, what morbidly obese person would you want to see in a tightly-fitting black outfit?

      • DHI  

        The thing is, a morbidly obese person would not be able to ninj well anyway, and, if they were, they would be a spectacle to behold - the wonder at seeing an enromously fat person walk silently, leap 10 feet into the air, and climb walls would easily overwhelm any unplesantness caused by their unnactractive figure.

  6. superwoman  

    I confess to taking down one of the posters on saturday night in a drunken stuper, with the intention of sending it to found magazine. i wish the dark figure luck in her search and assumed that she had put up enough other posters for my transgression not to make a difference.

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.