Bwog has never done this before—Bwog has never heard anything quite so appalling, ever. Some gossip is sweet and innocent. Some gossip is so awful you wish you had never heard it (and we will give you that option). And some gossip redeems. We only wish that the three items following formed a real progression and not just a chronological one.

flashlight~2:30 PM, Thursday; three girls sitting in Milbank:

Girl 1: Hey, how’s your new flashlight working out?

Girl 2: [Holds flashlight up.] I love it; it’s so great.

Girl 3: You guys have flashlights? Oh my God, I LOVE flashlights! [She then rummages through her bag and pulls out a flashlight.]

Warning for virgin eyes: do not proceed past the jump unless you don’t mind seeing terrible things.

~10:30 AM, Friday: reasonably cute girl, slobbish, dressed in an oversized Columbia hoodie and athletic shorts, on a cellphone:

Loudly: . . . he was on top of her, fingering me, but then he stopped, rolled off, and started fucking me; and then she woke up . . .

~12:30 PM, Friday: two guys and a girl in John Jay:

Student 1: So what’s this I heard about you not smoking and drinking?

Student 2: Oh yeah! I had an epiphany last night.

Student 1: Why!

Student 2: It’s an epiphany. It doesn’t have to be explained.

Student 3: You don’t always have to listen to epiphanies. 

Bwog thanks tipsters Virginia Sweeney, Joey Castellano, and Ashley Nin.