upennWe like to think Columbia can scoff at such things as superfluous interinstitutional rivalries. Not only are there enough warring factions between 120th and 114th to feed our hunger for conflict for ages, but in truth, we’re too sophisticated and busy for that.

But we may be at a crucial junction in Columbia history. The sexually frustrated lurkers on Bored at Butler (the site is at this moment broken) have proposed a rivalry with Penn:

    “click on newsworthy on your Official Vote so that it gets displayed on the side and        doesn’t just disappear. And write a DP article on it. And click share to post it on your     facebooks. And find a good offensive phrase. Cuck Folumbia kind of sounds dumb.     And the Chinatown bus from Philly to NYC is really cheap, take it up here for the         games and we’ll return the favor. Looking Forward to RIVALRY!”

Penn accepted on their B@B franchise Bored at VanPelt:


Pro: Maybe a fun football game once a year.

Con: We’d have to go to Philadelphia. Lame.

-Thanks to Layla for the tip

Another reason why a rivalry with Penn would be grossly unmatched, in the form of a “have some fries” Ivy League joke after the jump…


Harvard: “Did you do anything this weekend?”

“Nope. Have some fries.”

Yale: “I got mugged on the way to class today.”

“Have some fries.”

Brown: “I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith.”

“Cool! Me too! Have some fries.”

Cornell: “I killed my lab partner this weekend.”

“Bummer. Have some fries.”

Princeton: “My father took away my porsche this weekend.”

“Poor dear. Have some escargot.”

Columbia: “I wish that I could be eating these fries at a better


“Me too. Let’s go get shot.”

Penn: “I wish that I could be eating these fries at a better school.”

“Me too. Let’s transfer to Columbia.”

Dartmouth: “Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend. It was f**kin awesome.”

“Have some beer.”