Cambridge Calling

Written by

prezboAn article in today’s Boston Globe confirms that our esteemed President Lee C. Bollinger is once again on the shortlist of candidates for the soon-to-be vacant position of President of Harvard University.  The list, which is currently running just over 30 strong, includes the presidents of Columbia, Brown, UPenn and Princeton, as well as some internal candidates vying for the ultimate promotion. As of yet, no word from Bollinger on whether or not  he’s considering jumping ship—although at a recent fireside chat at 60 Morningside, a Bwog staffer did hear him say something to the effect of “This is my home.  I’m here for the long haul.” O President!  my President! Let it be true!

If he does in fact plan on sticking around, now is the time for PrezBo to start rolling out the thinly-veiled rhetoric about Columbia’s future and how we’re all in this together.  We’ll certainly be on the lookout in upcoming speeches for hints at the President’s true intentions, but if he’d like a more direct approach, Bwog would like to hereby offer Bollinger a post—his very own Bwog post!—to formally announce his intentions to stay.  So, Lee C., if you’re out there, e-mail us!  We’d love to hear from you.

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  1. Dear Students

    When I retire to a cushy law professorship, there's no way I'm working at Columbia Law. That building is just gross. Therefore, I'm off to Harvard. I bid thee a fond farewell.

  2. here's the thing

    supposedly bollinger, penn prez amy gutmann, and brown prez ruth simmons are all on the short list, yet every one of them has said they have no interest in being considered (clinton fits on this list too). and the search committee has essentially said "we don't care if you want to be considered or not, we'll pick whoever we damn well please." but I can't imagine they would pick someone who has said publicly so many times they wouldn't want it--even if they could convince bollinger or one of the others to take the job, the stated lack of enthusiasm would be a strange way to start.

    • interesting  

      if bollinger really is "in it for the long haul" I wonder if he's aiming at becoming a butler or seth low style president- as in, having major shit named after him in the future, books written glorifying his name, etc.

  3. Dear Hypocrites,

    You'd have gone to Harvard if you had gotten in.


    Lee Bollinger

    • lies  

      columbia college > harvard college. they barely have their shit together there. core? you mean distribution requirement grab-bag with yearly faculty tug-o'wars over the political implications of its manifest lack of content? yeah, ok. at least columbia stereotypes convey a sense of identity. what does harvard college stand for beyond "we're better than you?" elitism is okay, elitism without justification is frightening.

      • maaan  

        "political implications of its manifest lack of" who the fuck are you to talk bout elitism. sheeeeit.

        • umm  

          I didn't even attack elitism. I just said it needs to be justified (or, more appropriately, complemented) character. "I'm #1" is not a character trait, beyond hubris (when taken too far)...and I can only speak to hubris properly having taken lit hum. so there.

    • Dear Suck My Dick  

      I did not apply to Harvard and did not intend to.


      Deeeeeeeeeeeez Nuuuuuuuuuuts

      • Dear Deeez Nuuuts

        There are two types of Columbia students: (a) those who were rejected from Harvard, and (b) those who didn't apply because they either knew they had no chance or fooled themselves into thinking they'd be happier elsewhere.

        • at harvard  

          everyone just lies in pristine meadows and sunflowers observing the occasional rainbow. there's no need to study because everyone already knows the answers anyway and exams have been rendered superfluous. upon exit, you are handed either the presidency of some country, a late night talk show or a senate seat based on your extracurriculars and your gpa. when you die you get to ascend to that special extra heaven that sits slightly above the purgatorio of the lower ivies where you clink celestial sangria with your superhuman forbears and look down on earth to ensure fair harvard flourishes for yet another successful century. o joy, o rapture!

        • DHI  

          There are two types of Columbia students: (1) Male and (2) Female.

          There are two types of Columbia students: (I) Graduate Students and (II) Undergrads.

          There are two types of Columbia students: (i) Jewish and (ii) Non-Jewish

          There are two types of Columbia students: (A) Those with Type A, AB, or B blood and (B) those with Type O blood.

          There are two types of Columbia students: (a) Those from the U.S. east of the Mississippi, and (b) those from the U.S. west of the Mississippi or from outside the U.S.

          This is, with your statement, already 64 different types of Columbia students.

          But according to your statement there is only one type of Columbia student: students who would be happier at Harvard.

          According to my beliefs about why people would be happy at Harvard, this means there is only one type of Columbia Student: Dick-lickers.

          So is Columbia a student with 64 types of dick-lickers? Or even more? Or just one type of student? Or just two? Which two?

          Somebody do a report on different types of Columbia students.

    • Anonymous  

      And I got into Harvard and chose Columbia because they gave me better financial aid. College = college. It's name only matters if you're a superficial and ambitious fuck, in which case it won't matter where you went to college when you're old and wondering why your friends only like you for your money.

      • right  

        uh huh muse, that's why you went to farmville state college. the tuition would have been awesomely cheap there. college=college!

        • flea  

          Um, columbia actually gave me more financial aid than any of my state schools could offer. Do some research before you spew your ignorance, private schools sometimes have the capacity to offer more attractive packages and can better afford being need-blind.

          • state schools  

            You got more financial aid from Columbia than a state school!?!? what state? I was offered full tuition, room/board, and a stipend for my state school. Columbia sure as hell ain't offering that!

          • Fact-Checking Alum

            That sounds like a merit scholarship, not need-based financial aid. We all know the Ivies don't offer any merit scholarships at all.

            I should add that I passed up a free ride at my state university to attend Columbia at full price. And that was 20-plus years ago when its reputation was nowhere near what it is today.

  4. Oh fuck off  

    Yes, we get into Harvard but one visit there and a look at the students scares the shit out of you. Consider that there are people who love Columbia and New York City enough to pass up on you and that kind of arrogance (#6). At least Columbian arrogance is snarky instead of "er erderr harvard r0cks! columbia succkkzz"

  5. Most people

    on the west coast have never heard of Columbia. They have heard of Harvard and Yale, and sometimes Princeton. And they've heard of the Ivy League. So here's what happens: "Oh, so where do you go to college?" "Columbia" "Where?" "It's an Ivy League school." "Oh, okay."
    If we went to Harvard, it would be a different experience: "So where do you go to college?" "Harvard." "Do me now." "OK" "And my friends too."

    • Ben  

      Funny because I'm from the west coast and my neighbors went nuts for me when I got it. I don't know if it's the Boll that's to thank for this but my friends in china know it well enough too.

      On a related question, why does Columbia object to movies using its name? I don't see how it would have been harmed for it to be mentioned in Spiderman II. I think they did in Spiderman I and in Real Women have Curves. Why are they so picky? Spiderman is not negative exposure.

    • There  

      is plenty more sex to be had by Columbia students than Harvard students. No one ever says to a Harvard student do me now.

  6. Kitta  

    Oh, joy. The "Harvard" tag was sure to bring the "my penis is bigger than your" troll(s). No one asked your school to covet OUR president, fucktard.

  7. Harvard

    is just the king of 7 generic ivies, all the same. Columbia is unique. We have all the possibilities of having a great intellectual experience, plus we have Manhattan. Anyone who turns down Columbia to go to a dreadful place that's ranked higher is just screwing themselves over. If you WOULD have gone to Harvard, count yourself lucky that you didn't get in.

    • Amen  

      As someone who swallowed a lot of Harvard direct marketing and personal recruitment propaganda, I was ultimately glad that after seeing my credentials, they changed their minds and recognized that I'd be happier at Columbia.

    • wow

      just wow. get over yourselves. from a practical perspective, Harvard will open more doors for you in life than Columbia, enough said. From an educational experience perspective, Yale, with Princeton as a close second, among the best undergrad experiences to be had. Yes Columbia has NYC, but then again so does NYU and more CUNY's than you cna shake a stick at. And with regards to NYU, the 'ivy cachet' doesn't really amount to nearly as much as it does for HPY and even Penn.

      And to add insult to injury, Columbia can't even say it's better at sports (having Duke fans chant 'check the rankings' was pretty humiliating).

      Columbia could be a great school. It's not.

  8. Goddammit

    Go read college penis-size-contest comment on previous thread.

  9. Rejected by Harvard  

    Spend ten minutes reading the Harvard Crimson then ten minutes reading the Spectator.

  10. since  

    they appear to be checking us out for parts, I suppose Hahvahd also would like some of our shiny new Nobel Prizes.

  11. Ruth Simmons  

    is awesome.

  12. Columbian  

    The "You would have gone there had you gotten in" argument is preposterous. Asians aside, people generally choose schools based on factors other than US News Prestige.

  13. woof  

    Low Library isn't named after Seth Low, the Columbia President. It's named after his dad. Also, I believe, named Seth Low.

    (Low-the-son gave $1 mill donation in honor/memory of his father to kick off the capital campaign.)

  14. Sprinkles  

    New York > Boston. Hence I applied early decision to Columbia, and put Harvard in the pile of regular-decision schools to whom I wrote letters asking them to please discard my application, I'm going to Columbia, bitch!

  15. secretly

    Seth Low named it in honor of his father, but of course he was thinking of himself. He just didn't want to seem greedy.

  16. Recent Alum

    My wife went to Cornell on a full merit scholarship, and it included books, meals and housing. I believe all the Ivies offer merit scholarships set up by individual donors, but the recipients are selected privately and the scholarships are not advertised.

    • Fact-Checking Alum

      Did she go to one of the statutory schools (industrial & labor relations, agriculture, etc.)? The state may have some merit aid available, but the endowed colleges don't.

      Or maybe her scholarship wasn't from Cornell at all. There are independent entities which offer merit-based scholarships, and all of the Ivies accept such funding.

  17. She went

    to the College of Arts & Sciences. And now she's telling me to shut up and to stop bragging about her. :) I think Cornellians are the most modest of the Ivy Leaguers.

  18. I passed  

    up a free ride with a stipend from NYU to come to Columbia, so it's not just New York that makes us great. They even promised to set me up with an Olson twin.

    Besides, walkways on the Harvard quad are paved in asphalt. What kind of self respecting Ivy League school paves its quad in asphalt? Clearly that place has been on the decline since 1754.

  19. clearly

    each and every one of you needs to extract your head from your ass.

  20. Cam  

    I was so, so happy when Harvard rejected me. If they'd let me in, family ties would have demanded I go. And their Japanese is shit.

    Columbia opens different doors than Harvard, but if you're aiming for the very few Harvard-specific opportunities left in this increasingly egalitarian academic sphere I can't say I think much of your taste.

    • transfer  

      Nope, you're not missing anything. Asian studies there is total shit.

      Didn't you guys Google bomb the Crim once as "worthless rag newspaper" and Harvard as "safety school." Righteous.

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