Newsflash: Indiscretions of youth frozen forever on the Internet!
Written by Bwog Staff
Curious about the students who will swarm our hallowed halls come September? You know, the most recent “smartest class ever“? Never fear– staffer Lucy Tang wades into the muck so you don’t have to. Her report:
If you thought the class of 2010 was annoying with their Myspace groups, discussion threads that provided too much information about various (non)existent sex lives, endless facebook groups that multiplied overnight, and random friend requests– which all resulted in the retaliatory group “Class of 2010 PLEASE calm down… you’re not even here yet!”– then you’re going to love the class of 2011.
Their main facebook group already boasts 1,138 members, 357 photos, 353 discussion posts, and an overabundance of eagerness and naivete. We all remember the feeling of excitement and fear before coming to school, but what did people do before facebook existed? Maybe they kept their thoughts inside and made friends face to face orientation week and in classes? Hm?
Brace yourself for a quick overview of the groups that have sprouted up:
For Columbia’s discerning hipster-
Summary: “Woah, you like Neutral Milk Hotel too?! You must be cool! Let’s trade Last.fm’s and talk about how Pitchfork’s opinion holds no sway!”
A few months in, these nascent hipsters will realize that a good majority of Columbia likes Belle & Sebastian, and when the football player next door starts blasting The Mountain Goats, their identities will crumble. A penchant for indie rock does not a person make.
For the partiers
Columbia is known for its vocal student body, protests galore– hell, we’ve even been featured in New York magazine for our socially active student body. The class of 2011 continues this proud tradition as they try to get The U’s “very lame” rating of Columbia’s party scene “re-evaluated come September beeetch!!” Saigon Grill sit-in, beer funneling… we’re all fighting for a cause here.
The creator, Tania Angelica Harsono, self-proclaimed “Boobilicious Bartender and Greek Life Spy, Official Party Animal #1,” is the Joan of Arc of this crusade. Every generation has a opinionated woman, and Tania seems to be following right in the steps of Gloria Steinem and Maureen Dowd. Bold, beautiful, Tania.
Even before they even move in, they’ve already started to revolutionize Columbia.
“Sexayyy dancin” indeed.
Then there’s the Hydrated Columbia Crew.
Their mission statement: “If you’re ready to put down your books for a couple of hours and tear NYC up… this group is for you. ( Of course we will all maintain our 4.0 GPA)”
1. As soon as these young souls arrive on campus, their first few weeks may be riddled with spontaneous trips downtown for the city’s nightlife– Broadway shows, fine dining in Times Square (Chili’s! Red Lobster!), maybe even the occasional show at Webster Hall or Bowery. But tearing up NYC? Soon enough, these kids will realize the difficulty of navigating New York City without a fake ID, the long waits for those treacherous subway rides back from downtown, and succumb to the overall convenience of the Carman parties.
2. And the 4.0 GPA? Well, that dream will be shattered come January 2008, no need for defeated spirits so early on.
We could all learn from these kids. Have fun in Carman, don’t step in the vomit in the service elevator.
For the Jewish Theological Seminary students and admirers
For the future wasted kids at Eurotrash
Also, last year, a curious phenomenon set upon Columbia in the form of many attractive girls strutting down college walk and speaking French, often referred to as “the hot French girls.” Missed your opportunity this year? No worries, another shipment’s coming in August 2007!
On that note, I leave you with the future.
Not a pretty sight.