Your Parents Have No Idea What You’re Doing Tonight

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Because Bwog knows you’re not really going to Tom’s with your OL group. (You know you don’t have to, right?) Here, several upperclassmen recall what they did on their first night of college.

My best friend from high school arrived at NYU the day before and he had already made friends with Haley Joel Osment. I called my friend and met up with him, Haley, and Haley’s entourage at a club in meatpacking where the 7 of us were given three bottles of vodka and an assortment of juices- all free. This was just after his DUI. –BC ’10

I didn’t have a computer that first night, so I was writing a letter by hand to a friend to tell her how college was going so far, when I looked out the window of my room in Wallach to see a bunch of freshmen from John Jay 5 staring back at me, motioning for me to come outside with them for a party on the lawn. I grabbed my suitemate and walked to the steps with our new friends. We were still wearing our pajamas. I thought “This is college — wearing your pajamas outside.” — CC’09

I was bored, so I tried to go to Williamsburg, got lost and ended up at a Puerto Rican pizza joint on Southside where, assuming New York was incredibly foreign, I did all my ordering in high school Spanish and was mocked, although it was in a cheerful, friendly way. They thought I meant I was moving to Colombia. Either way it’s hard to get home on the J train. — CC’09

I showed up in New York with my family at around 8 AM, mind and body reeling from a red-eye spent frenetically trying to assimilate every last word of the Iliad into my soul (I got to book 10 or somewhere around there.) I spent the day in a zombie-like haze attending to a million little tasks needed to transplant my life from Seattle to Carman, bumming meals off of my parents, and clamoring for sheets in the bedlam of Bed, Bath & Beyond.

When it was all over, I had no greater desire than to collapse in bed and escape from reality, but then my roommate – an earring-wearing Asian dude – arrived all the way from Brooklyn and declared his irresistable desire to cohabit Carman 913A with a certain someone else, whom I discovered a few minutes later to be an obese Russian resembling the lovechild of Ignatius J. Reilly and Boris Yeltsin, reeking not of vodka but BO.  Their demands were relentless.  What could I do?  These two were clearly meant to be together.  So I made them haul my sheets, my clothes, my toiletries, the shower caddy that I’d just set up – all of my personal belongings were moved once again to Carman 1115B, where, exhausted from 40+ hours of stress, I dissolved into oblivion and awoke half a day later to the sweet sight of a lovely new roommate.  It was the best night’s sleep I’d have for weeks. — CC’10

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  1. NEVER

    play vodka pong with Boris Yeltsin. Just a word of caution.

  2. suggestion

    Bwog should make a post just for commenters to write their very own "advice to incoming-freshman" comments/posts. Who's with me on this one? It might be an interesting experiment in human nature (in other words, whether it is truly good or inherently evil), at the very least.

  3. CC'07  

    Awkward speech and icebreakers by our RA in the basement of Carman. "Awkward" would basically sum up our RA in a nutshell.

  4. anon

    Completely unrelated comment...when I here someone brag, even in jest, that their summer was somehow salvaged by becoming really good at Excel, a little piece of my soul dies (or becomes a Horcrux).

  5. frenetically?

    It's ok. You're already at Columbia. No need to keep on using words that no one else uses in normal conversation

  6. on my first night...

    I had sex with someone I knew from NYU. Good going, losers! :P (I'm not an athlete or hipster pretending to be the coolest person on earth. I'm kind of a SEAS kid.)

  7. man

    i don't even remember the first night at columbia. the night before everyone came though, when they used to have coop parties at the old am cafe, now that was good times.

  8. CML Imposter  

    The last anecdote in this post is obviously that of my Seattleite alter ego.

  9. awesome

    I'm in love with the person who wrote that last anecdote.

  10. notice

    commenters maing references to amcaf are alums who are being creepy by still reading bwog (this commenter is a creepy alumnus but would at least never give such away by admitting knowledge of amcaf).

  11. awww  

    poor lenny

    mean cml, mean

  12. CC '09

    uh, I'm actually SEAS '08.

  13. len+ant=goodness  

    I loved carman 913A and I'm glad that roomies were switched

  14. to cml  

    aka cuntass minge licker,

    a beady eyed weasel like yourself is in no place to be making fun of other people. get the fuck over yourself. you aren't witty, you aren't cool and need to move on. so what if someone wanted to move in with a friend? sorry if he disappointed your desire for late night man forking sessions but i'm glad your new roommate proved satisfactory! :)

  15. 913a rules  

    you're such an asshole. if you're going to write something like this on it, you shouldn't put in obvious references to other people. douche.

  16. one and only LENNY

    yo first of all its 913B, not A, if u wanted to make that reference. Second, the whole 9th Floor hated u as soon as u brought ur lame anuus there. third of all u have no life, so keep on weeping about ur sorrows and playing ur accordion, Hram!

  17. one and only LENNY

    p.s. w/e smelled like BO to you was punani, and u prob. wont smell it again, but its ok, cuz ur cool and u post on bwog, right?

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