In which Bwog freelancer Kurt Kanazawa chronicles the bangingest new show on prime time.

kjhSo for all of you not interested in the “Gossip Girls WEDNESAYS @ 9 PM!!!!” phenomenon (read: carnivores / SEAS), your antidote is awaiting you on NBC…

“Bionic Woman,” starring Michelle Ryan (don’t worry you’ve never heard of her), is a remake of the TV action series from the 1970s, “The Bionic Woman.” Basically, Jaime Sommers (Ryan) wakes up from a near fatal, and intentional (dun dun duH!) car accident. When she awakes in the hospital her boyfriend/doctor/eye candy informs her that both her legs and one arm had to be amputated. Buuutttt [drum roll please] we’ve made you bionic (“you’re hardwired for highly specialized warfare!”)

Sprinkle in some bionic sex, secret bionic government conspiracy, kick-ass bionic fight sequences in the rain, and some decent un-bionic acting performances and you’ve got yourself the perfect supercharger to a lazy Wednesday night. That is, if you’re one for irony.

To help explain what I mean, here’s of the better lines from tonight’s episode. Jaime has just been told she’s a bionic woman. After she nearly destroys the government hospital facility with her unknown strength and is -anesthetized, she wakes up. A nurse comes over to her and says:

Nurse: C’mon now, we’ve got to get you to rehab.

Jaime: What for?

Nurse: Rehabilitation.

Or for the sake of foreshadowing, before the episode begins, Jaime is driving her bratty little sister to school (played by The OC’s Lucy Hale). Hale is sulking and eating a pop-tart.

Jaime (pre-bionic): That’s not real food

Sister: WELL YOU’RE NOT A REAL MOM!

And wait, there’s more! CGI animation reveals to us that her bionic limbs even have fans in them for internal cooling! All these elements are keeping me tuned in for next week, especially when “Grey’s Anatomy” sinner, Isaiah Washington, joins the cast. Cue controversy.

I’m hoping that the Bionic writing staff will learn from the success of shows like “Heroes,” “Battlestar Galactica,” and “Lost,” and be able to create for me the perfect Wednesday night action study break– or at least, a satisfyingly corny one.  

I’d give this one a solid: B+