And they’re off!

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O Fortuna, ye who spins your wheel to decide the fate of those who would seek the highest office in the land. And o mainstream media, ye whose color-coordinated interactive maps and expertly crafted graphics enrapture the most Butler-weary soul.

As of 8 p.m. on Tuesday night, the Lerner piano lounge was filled with nearly 100 students who arrived in their political finest (suit jackets and tucked-in casual wear) to bear witness to the spectacle of Super Tuesday. Sponsored by the Columbia Political Union, along with the Dems and the Republicans, the event brought out supporters of Obama, Clinton, and, apparently, Romney, who camped out like teenage girls waiting for Backstreet Boys tickets circa 1999 to see which candidate would sweep nearly half the states in the union.

Chris Daniels, CC’09, veep of the Dems, said his group represented both Clinton and Obama supporters, though, he commented, “There’s definitely more of a presence of Obama supporters on campus, they seem to be more fervent.”

Marisa Gorovitz, BC’10, a Democrat supporter, was camped next to the small circle of College Republicans that claimed the Northwest corner of the room. The most humorous event of the night as of 8:30, she claimed, occurred when, “someone made a funny reaction when it was announced that Hillary Clinton won Oklahoma… like oh Oklahoma!”

The Republicans themselves proved reticent, with refusals to speak with a Bwog reporter and nary a word but an extemporaneously gleeful cry of of “Go Romney!” from one GOP member.

The room was full of quick-typing bloggers, emailers, and homework do-ers, in addition to Aaron Goodman, a UPenn sophomore who had been sent from the Daily Pennsylvanian with a team that included “a reporter, a photographer, and a videographer,” another set of which had been dispatched to Princeton. “Our primary isn’t until, like, April…” he offered by way of explanation.

CPU general manager Alastair Shearman, SEAS’08, was pleased with the turnout. “This is the biggest event we’ve had… It’s a festive atmosphere,” he said, grinning and then looking back at his computer, where he was checking the stats. “I put my projections up on Facebook, if you want to look at that,” he advised. 

Over at the computers in the room, Marc Castaneda, CC’09, frantically checked the New York Times and CNN.com websites against the coverage of CNN on the television. “I’m listening to it in my ear and checking it online at the same time,” he said. “I get really obsessive about elections. I should be a pollster.” A man next to him swore, “fuck…fuck” under his breath when it was announced that Hillary had pulled through in New York state.

Jason Eckstein, SEAS’09, was unimpressed by the statistical methodologies espoused by Wolf Blitzer and his cohorts on the tube. “They have a big check that says who won and the votes haven’t even been counted,” he said in disgust.

Nick Serpe, CC’10, read Leviathan while keeping an eye on the action. “It’s like watching an ice cube melt,” he quipped, adding, “I just wish Hobbes was running for president, but I don’t know how he would feel about representative democracy. He would probably just declare martial law.” He added that Anderson Cooper should consider a run, which would be fabulous.


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  1. Calvin

    I don't know about you, but I would certainly vote for Hobbes.

    Tigers make the best pets AND the best presidents. All you need to do is give them a tuna sandwich, and they'll do whatever you want.

  2. Anonymous  

    Actually, Hobbes was able to use his political theories to justify both Republican/Interregnum rule and the Monarchy. So he'd probably be cool with us.

  3. speaking of  

    elections, when are ccsc's?

  4. alexw  


  5. why are there  

    so many playgrounds in Ohio, Florida, and Pennsylvania?

    They're swing states!

  6. Assapopoulos  

    GOOD LUCK, OBAMA SHEEPLE. Though I am surprised that Clinton didn't cry again or mention her vagina bleeding to gather support among the XX demographic...that strikes me as an irresponsible omission on the eve of "Super" Tuesday.

  7. alastair  

    shearman rocks, he should be a campus character!

  8. Nicky  

    Damn, how the fuck are we supposed to study with so many awesome events this week?

  9. do you know  

    why delta appears innumerate times in math texts and precisely zero times in the bible? Because change isn't something you just believe in without any kind of proof.

    • Assapopoulos  

      Do you know in what language the New Testament was originally written? Hint: it's not Elvish, and delta is the fourth letter in its alphabet.

      Also, "innumerate" does not mean "innumerable," but means "unacquainted with the basic principles and ideas of mathematics and science," which, I imagine, describes you pretty well.

      • haha  

        just a typo, buddy. But way to take what I said completely literally. And for the record, I was referring to the Old Testament, because I must be one of those dirty heathen leading a crusade to destroy this Christian nation.

        Also, thank you for questioning my quantitative aptitude. I had quite a good laugh about that.

  10. ...  

    here's to 36 years of the hatfields and the mccoys controlling the executive office of the united states of america!

  11. alexw  

    Here's to war with Iran!

    • j-grace  

      Alex, buddy...He won more states. Counts giving Hillary her best possible performance in California still give him a 4 to 7 delegate lead. In his victory speech, he unleashed the line "We are who we've been waiting for," which, if you don't think will blow up huge, shows that you know little to nothing about America. And the next ten states to vote are either caucuses (where he performs much better) or demographically suited to his base.

      Our boy won tonight. Don't listen to what CNN tells you. When have you ever known the news media to be right about anything? Our boy won. And he's going to win the presidency.

      Hope, motherfucker, do you speak it?

  12. sick

    I'm starting to get sick of all of this coverage. Very, very, very sick. I think I will abstain from cable news until the conventions.

  13. sick

    Too bad the primary season had to be so long this time. It was much, much more bearable the last time around.

  14. Grr  

    Stupid goddamn Mexicans and Asians and white women in California... especially the Mexicans. So... goddamn... dumb...

    23% of Californians considered the gender of the candidate important.

    23% of Californians should be shot.

    Odd, that coincidence.

  15. Oh, and also...  

    16% of Californians considered race important, they went overwhelmingly for Clinton.

    (And I mean, I think it's not a good reason to vote for someone because of his race, but that large a percentage voting AGAINST because of race is just sad.)


    All of you! Good luck when he wins the nomination and the GOP DESTROYS HIM. The campaign that runs on hope, change, dreams and starlight doesn't stand a chance against the crazy evil of the GOP.

    • I love

      How you say "Obama Sheeple" the way hipsters insult those around them with mainstream taste.

      What, is Hillary suddenly an indie movie, while Obama is a big Hollywood blockbuster?

      If you must insult Obama supporters more than twice in one post, at least find a less nauseatingly 3rd-grade one.

  17. Damn Hillary  

    If Hillary wons, I'll cast my vote for the republican party. Screw her.

  18. Hmm  

    I know a lot of people who feel that way. I personally won't do that, but the fact that a lot of people would says something about her as a candidate.

    I also know some conservative people who have considered voting for Obama.

    Good things.

  19. fsdftyr  

    q: what do you call a white person who votes for Obama?
    a: pubis mons!

  20. Hahaha, FEAR  

    Limbaugh just said (about the Pubs' chance in the general), and I quote:

    "If Obama is the nominee, we're doomed. You need to just accept that and prepare for it now."

  21. Cynical

    Sadly, I think those fucking schizophrenic, vapid Republicans are going to vote for a goddamn Republican regardless of the absolute hell that their party has gendered these past eight years. I just don't believe that they are suddenly going to become sentient, thinking, responsible beings.

    • EAL  

      Wow. I'm sorry, but aren't you (as a wonderful, tolerant liberal and presumably an Obama supporter) supposed to be preaching above partisanship and reaching out to Independents? It doesn't really help too well when you consistently shoot down anyone who disagrees with you as an irrational troglodyte. Frankly, I can't stand people who have a permanent mindset of "OMG Republican equals evil", nor can I stand those on the right who feel the same way about the Democrats. You and your supposedly kind, liberal brethren are always speaking out against the "politics of hate," when you're really utter charlatans because you can't stand anyone who even thinks of voting for the other side. It's people like you that made me leave the Democrats at Columbia and actually helped turn me into a conservative (well, the Columbia economics department helped).

      You've got a lot of growing up to do, pal.

      • Actually EAL

        you overlooked the main point of my sophomoric rant- namely, the mindlessness with which many Republicans regard the destruction that their party has wrought over the space of scarcely two administrations. Your objections derive not from the ultimate merits of your party's record, but from your reactionary attitude. You are less concerned with the accuracy of my prejudices (phantom enemy, losing battle, ubiquitous manipulative tactics, no transparency, illegality, billions spent with no oversight, millions unaccounted for= war profiteering, what war again and why? FUCK YOU) than with how these prejudices can stoke your naturally outmoded and unthinking stubborness. Tragically, in your effort to defend the "dying" bastions of American conservatism (presumably by throwing it all away in some shithole in the Mideast), you and your fellow Republicans are only ravaging this great nation. I mean, yeah, it's not right to demonize an entire party but then again Republicans DID vote for W in 2004...and they are coming out in droves to vote for the loon McCain (Mr. 100+ years of more BS).

  22. fgdasgdf  

    q: what do you call a pubis mons who votes for a black Clinton?

    a: haha those don't walk!!1@!

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