Dartmouth and New York Magazine Call Columbia Out

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Today, New York Magazine‘s blog the Daily Intelligencer linked to a Dartmouth student blog that calculated the number of drinking infractions per Ivy League college. Fratty and backwoods-y, Dartmouth was naturally crowned champion. Our fair Alma Mater, came in second to last, just narrowly beating out Penn. New York theorizes that this number is exceedingly low given Columbia’s environs and population. The theory is demonstrated using the extremely mathematical formula: 

Hundreds of Freshman + Dozens of Places to get IDs x Thousands of Delis Where Owners Don’t Care If You Are Underage / Limited Entrances And Exits To Dorms That Are Monitored For Safety = Easily Detectable Drunkenness

Given the formula, New York attributes our low frequency of drinking infractions to our lameness.

Bar fight! 

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  1. so...  

    Columbia's RA's come in second to Penn's for most lax about drinking?

    • hah!  

      Or they came in first for most draconian. WE WILL WIN THIS WAR ON FUN!

      • Anonymous  

        Just because you can't be bothered to go a couple blocks into the city to get drunk doesn't mean the administration has a war on fun.

        I walked into a freshman dorm with a keg and a bloody nose. The security people never said a word.

    • Paul  

      Ha, couldn't have said it better myself.

      I still can't believe that my freshman floor reeked so badly of illegal substances for so many months and no one ever bothered to say anything.

      • look

        narc. smoking weed is barely a crime in new york state. first offense for possession of an amount for personal use will only get you a 250 dollar fine.

        • Paul  

          I've got nothing against the lax ways of Columbia.

          I was surprised because many friends went to places where freshman dorms were actively policed, and any suspicious smell would get you trouble.

          And of course the CU RAs give the "don't do drugs. if we smell something, you're in trouble" speech. I didn't then expect that I would be living a weed/Axe marinade for the next nine months.

  2. what?  

    Whats lame about not getting caught/in trouble for drinking? Dartmouth is cool because they get busted? How does that make sense?

  3. juan jay  

    my floor always smells like weed and cigarettes and I love it. also, no one in new york gives a fuck if you're walking around smoking or drunk off your ass. hence, less reported infractions.

  4. weed/axe  

    marinade for nine months? What the hell was your pregnant mother doing?

  5. this is absurd

    Columbia students don't get written up because 90% of the drinking happens off campus, and unless you go up to a security guard, tell them you're 18 and drunk and then throw up on their shoes, they won't do anything. And even then, they'd probably just glare.

    That said, security did once confiscate a bag containing three bottles of alcohol from me because the cap was missing from one of them(it was not going into a dry dorm and I was over 21). I didn't get written up, but seriously, that's theft dammit.

  6. hmm  

    it should be "hundreds of freshmEn"

    also, that equation would look prettier in latex:

    \text{Hundreds of Freshmen} + \text{Dozens of Places to get IDs} \times \frac{\text{Thousands of Delis Where Owners Don't Care If You Are Underage}}{\text{Limited Entrances And Exits To Dorms That Are Monitored For Safety}} = \text{Easily Detectable Drunkenness}

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