Today, New York Magazine‘s blog the Daily Intelligencer linked to a Dartmouth student blog that calculated the number of drinking infractions per Ivy League college. Fratty and backwoods-y, Dartmouth was naturally crowned champion. Our fair Alma Mater, came in second to last, just narrowly beating out Penn. New York theorizes that this number is exceedingly low given Columbia’s environs and population. The theory is demonstrated using the extremely mathematical formula: 

Hundreds of Freshman + Dozens of Places to get IDs x Thousands of Delis Where Owners Don’t Care If You Are Underage / Limited Entrances And Exits To Dorms That Are Monitored For Safety = Easily Detectable Drunkenness

Given the formula, New York attributes our low frequency of drinking infractions to our lameness.

Bar fight!