The 2008 Housing Lottery: Your Best Mistake Ever!

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Our all too brief sojourn to Brooklyn must come to a close, as our quest to explore each and every dorm continues. Today: Wallach. 

Hey, everyone. It’s Wallach!

Wallach is the kid in class that really isn’t the most interesting or social person but is certainly the one that can be immediately described as “nice.” He is the kid you are surprised to see at parties, the kid who would never throw a party himself but tried to once and only his roommate’s friends showed up. In high school, Wallach probably played a lot of Risk and got drunk for the first time off of a couple of Mike’s Hard Lemonades. In college, he still just really wants to play Risk and maybe kick back and have a few red wine spritzers while he’s at it. He has a good sense of humor but his stories are almost always about some awesome thing that happened to one of his friends once. Although it’s fun to run into Wallach every so often, he may or may not be the kind of person you want to spend a whole year with.

Don’t get me wrong though, Wallach still has some great qualities. The suite itself is carpeted and spacious when compared to Ruggles or Claremont and my room has a fantastic view of campus. The common room and kitchen allow for comfortable lounging and the water pressure of the showers is ideal. Still, one of the main downsides to Wallach is that the social scene is completely stagnant (I think that I had livelier parties in John Jay). You probably won’t become friends with anyone else in the building other than the kids in your suite—and with the mastermind behind the War on Fun living on the top floor (along with her family and two noisy dogs), the epicenter of the anti-drinking storm begins here.

Although my own RA is relatively relaxed, I have seen a couple of random RAs walk into my suite and inspect the area for signs of alcohol. Even if these raids are rare, you should still proceed with some caution as any bottle in sight warrants an immediate write-up. So, if you want to drink alcohol in Wallach, just don’t be an idiot about it by leaving bottles around. 

If you’re looking for somewhere to be loud and have parties, don’t live in Wallach. If you want to live with a bunch of nice people and enjoy a quiet environment with prime on-campus location then Wallach is the place for you. Wallach is a great guy, but he is more suited for a day at the ballpark with your parents rather than a night out at the bars with friends.

– Michael Molina

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  1. you forgot  

    to mention the mice

  2. wwwww  

    wallach has potential. almost all single rooms, big common room, big kitchen, the possibility of living with 10 of your friends. but then again it also has mice and is full of freshman. so, nevermind.

  3. whoa whoa whoa  

    you forget to mention the faculty-in- residence, jeffrey koberstein. you cannot look into those delicate puppy-dog eyes, tinged with regret yet framed with determination, that understand you insofar as you wish to be understood, and say no to wallach! impossible!

  4. thanks  

    for describing my personality to a T. and yes, I live in wallach.

  5. stop  


    just be yourself

  6. CC11  

    Last I checked, Wallach isn't in the lottery, so why profile it?

  7. TBA  

    just make sure to fill your bottles will flowers.

  8. i  

    and it is way better than hartley

  9. mike molina  

    is the sexiest lesbian on campus

  10. bwog!!  

    Why would you use the Art House as the example for wallach? wtf? they're the exception, not the rule. And even they're sick of how horrible wallach is.

    the rest of the place is horrible.

  11. well  

    mice are under better control than the bed bugs elsewhere...

  12. I got

    Put into wallach when returning from study abroad in the spring. the best thing that can be said is that it is probably the most neutral housing at Columbia. There aren't many upsides to it...but also, there aren't many downsides. Its...fine. On all levels. Not good. Just...fine.

  13. ughhhh

    michael molina is unctuous

  14. not that lame  

    it is the best dorm if you want to live in a suite with friends but don't want to have to endure the parties thrown by them. also, by far the best sophomore dorm available.

  15. everyone

    everyone knows that Wallach has a huge crush on River but is too afraid to say anything. It's kinda cute and kinda creepy at the same time

  16. cc07

    Oh! My first Columbia boyfriend lived in Wallach and personified your description of the dorm. A great guy, but you've got to get rid of him eventually. Which is why you shouldn't commit to an entire year in Wallach.

  17. wallacher  

    the Wallach mouse problem is largely due to people not cleaning up after themselves, which is caused by having kitchens and 10 people per suite (little accountability)

  18. dear #19,  

    So true. You have perfectly personified the love life of Wallach.

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