Apr

17

The Krebs Presidency: The First Hour

Written by


Bwog spent the first hour of George Krebs’ presidency with the man of the hour and the rest of his camp in Krebs’ Watt Studio. 

Krebs bounded down the Watt stairs and greeted us. “Thank you!” he yelled. He ran back up the stairs and slammed the door to his studio open. “WOOOOO!” he yelled. His party and their drunken cohorts yelled affirmatively, and responded with similar “WOOOOs.” 

A random drunken cohort held up a pinata shaped like a donkey. Krebs grabbed a broom out of absolutely nowhere and pounded the pinata. More “WOOOOs.” Six Coors Lights fell out of the pinata and they were snatched up within seconds. 

“I was pleasantly surprised,” Krebs said of his win. He described the soundtrack to his mood right now as the musical stylings of DJ Tanner. He then pointed to his left and introduced us to DJ Tanner. DJ Tanner was not surprised at the Krebs win.

“I’m going to put on a record!” Krebs yelled. “WOOOO!” He puts on a record and starts to dance. Other join.



Bwog yelled to Krebs through the slow jam that was playing: “WHAT DO YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH AS PRESIDENT?”

He yells back: “A lot of what we wrote on our platform. If we can see the cohesion in Columbia College that I worked to create in ’09, then we can move forward on a lot of initiatives.”

Adil Ahmed grabs Krebs from behind and starts dancing. The slow jam had at that point been changed to a funk ballad. 

Ahmed moved on to a different dance partner. Krebs described the beginnings of his presidency with optimism: “We will meet with the five out our ticket. In the next week everyone [who won] CCSC [elections] gets an email—talking about what they wanna get done next year. We’re gonna spend the next few days enjoying ourselves and celebrating and then we’re going to get our work done.”

Ahmed re-appears and grabs Krebs, who had been on the phone with Spec. “So much work! Seriously! You were up til 5 AM last night! And we still won! We still won!” he screams, as he hangs on to Krebs’ shoulders.

Krebs says he wasn’t surprised at the outcomes of the other CCSC races. “LE:MON party tried a new campaign tactic and unfortunately it didn’t seem to manifest itself in terms of votes,” he says of the ’09 race. 

New people seem to emerge from the hall (or maybe some friends had wandered off and had now come back—it was impossible to say). They reappeared shouting: “Nothing’s off the record! Transparency!” They pointed at Bwog, who was timidly sitting on a couch. “TRANSPARENCY! WOOO,” they continued.

“We have a lot of work to do but tonight we’re going to celebrate. You can make that the headline,” Krebs suggests.

But what sort of celebration does this type of occasion merit? “I wanna go for a swim in the fountain!” screams Ahmed, who has handily brought a bathing suit for the occasion.

Now Playing: “Hips Don’t Lie,” Shakira.

– JNW

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31 Comments

  1. Pigeon  

    A small step for man, a big step for the Krebs cycle.

  2. hilarious  

    hilarious. I like this reporting bwog.

  3. Squirrel  

    Thank god we have a president who can have fun.

  4. does  

    Krebs have any kind of mandate? What percentage did he get?

  5. george krebs  

    can suck a cock. laura doan is the fakest person in the world. i actually liked george until he put that trash on his ticket.

  6. wait  

    Why does a junior have a Watt studio??

  7. housing  

    I am assuming that it's a studio double. If you are really curious, look him up in the Columbia directory, see what his room is, check the housing floorplan to see exactly what size his room is, determine whether room is unfairly huge and warrants an investigation.

  8. mandate  

    Krebs does have a mandate. The percentages were:

    Connect Columbia 41%
    Expoerience Columbia 58%

  9. Spectacular

    Are they old enough to be drinking in the dorms? Could the first Krebs scandal come in handing out booze to minors?

  10. Ugh.  

    The idiots are taking over. It's stupid to campaign on "OH SHIT THEY'RE ACTUALLY ENFORCING RULES FOR ONCE"

    It's also depressing that his first act as president is to get absolutely shitfaced.

    • Okay  

      Are you an administrator? Please disclose your identity, because I think I heard you say the War on Fun is good. George is campaigning against an administrative philosophy that finds it necessary to enforce a draconian policy because we kids can't handle ourselves. How many other Ivies do that? So you can take your line about "oh shit they're actually enforcing the rules for once" and shove it. Go to butler if you don't like drinking on weekends.

      Also, the last couple of weeks, I have seen George work his ass off to get elected. I saw him on Low for 2 straight days tirelessly trying to get the vote out and dorm-storming for weeks. I think it's only fair that his first act after getting the result is to celebrate.

  11. hhh  

    I must agree with the above poster that Doan is fake as shit. I voted for Alidad because she was so fucking annoying the whole time and continually like badgered voters... god she needs a chill pill and relax

    • well,

      If you think Doan is the fakest one out there, then you obviously don't know Veronica Colon. I voted for Krebs JUST BECAUSE I did not want her with any sort of power, even if it's fake student council power. it would make her ego bigger than it already is, which is dangerous.

  12. meh  

    someone call the wahmbulance, cause there are a lot of people suffering from a sever case of super sour grapes. I didn't vote, but let the kid have some fun. Y'all take yourselves too seriously.

  13. this is bullshit  

    if more people voted, this would not have happened.

    you got lucky krebs. try not to fuck up my last year too much, ok?

  14. seriously  

    i think we just elected the equivalent of george bush to ccsc president

  15. wait

    Was that really "the first hour" of Krebs' presidency? Does it start now or next year?

  16. For the Record  

    Michelle Diamond is still the CCSC President, people. George can get shitfaced all he wants, because this isn't the first hour of his presidency. He has no official responsibilities until [email protected] (God help him).

  17. this year  

    wasn't that bad. As much as i don't like CCSC, this year was alright. Let's see what we get with shit-for-brains at the helm

  18. JGK

    He began the year with a regular double, then moved into the studio across the hall when its two occupants and his roommate left abroad. Don't try to twist shit; he took an incredibly small room sophomore year to live with the seniors.

  19. george "c" krebs  

    WOOOOOOO!

  20. well

    "How many other Ivies do that?"

    to be fair, harvard had to hire a "fun czar" to even get its students to think about having fun.

    dartmouth has been in crackdown mode, though. they sent a polite email to one of the frats to get them to stop streaking in front of admissions tours.

  21. LE: MON

    Considering that Mark only won with a small margin, and he has been on CCSC for three years, I would say he´s the one with the weakest mandate. Too bad a lot of people abroad probably didn´t vote, I´m sure the majority would have gone against him.

  22. lol at  

    bwog's headline. "The First Hour" when it isn't, vs. Krebs's "We have a lot of work to do but tonight we're going to celebrate." sensationalism much?

  23. Adil fan  

    i wish Adil could just have my babies...siigh.

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