Written by Bwog Staff
It was just 11:35 PM when studiers started drifting into Butler 209 and perching themselves on ledges and chairs. 209ers, futility be damned, started Shh-ing the newcomers. One such 209er was one-half of Chromeo (the half that attends Columbia), though he soon made a quick exit. At midnight exactly, the spirited Columbia University Marching Band made their entrance as they played the CU fight song. Butlerites, amazingly, not only knew the words, but sung along.
The theme of the 69th Orgo Night—a performance with roots in attempts to lower the curve on tomorrow’s organic chemistry exam—was undoubtedly politics. The enthusiastic and adorable CUMB speaker began with mentions of ex-Governor Spitzer and his lady-friend Alexandra Ashley Dupre. It might have been the only time that the words “suck my own jizz” and “bareback anal sex” were uttered in Butler—inside the stacks doesn’t count. The first Barnard joke came early (pun!), as CUMB wondered why Dupre never received a scholarship to Barnard, given her mastery of whoremanship even before graduating high school. The mention of new governor and CC grad David Paterson gave way to a rendition of “I Can See Clearly Now.”
The political satire took a turn for the local as CUMB hit on student council happenings. Adopting a Michelle Diamond impression that might have been familiar to anyone who saw the V-Show last weekend, the speaker chronicled Diamond’s valiant ban-JuicyCampus-from-the-Columbia-server crusade and suggested that a place was waiting for her on Bollinger’s Free Speech syllabus. GSSC President two times removed Niko Cunningham also scored an Orgo Night mention.
CUMB also touched upon the politics of the Ivy League financial arms race, poking fun at the College Republicans, Harvard and its affinity for tweed, and Yale’s use for the skulls in the Skull and Bones house, (hint: they’re for fucking.) Princeton, on the other hand, had slightly different ideas about financial aid. And “Aid. Isn’t that what the gays get?” received about a 6:1 laughs to this-is-controversial-“oohs” ratio.
More this-is-controversial-“oohs” followed jokes about the summer Olympics and the civil unrest in Tibet and China, but CUMB received hugh laughs as Spec was forced to relive the Tibet Editorial Fact-Checking Mini-Scandal. Naturally, the band played “Build Me Up Fact-Checker.”
Jokes about the upcoming election were blissfully short and sweet, as CUMB brilliantly described the our criticism of Obama’s shying away from Columbia as actually, oddly relatable. He’s a Columbia, because just like most of us, he often doesn’t really like Columbia all that much. “He bleeds baby blue!” the CUMB speaker shouted.
An unexpected segment about crazy Yalie Aliza Shvarts (which was funny, though a few people standing around Bwog didn’t know what CUMB was talking about), gave way to the climax (pun!) of the performance: The Vag. Huge cheers at the mere mention of Barnard’s unfortunately named student center, or, as CUMB put it: “the Nexus-cum-Vag.”
What followed was a spirited, dance-y rendition of “All Along the Vagelos”. CUMB doled out some punny advice for the few students in the room who would actually be taking o-chem tomorrow, and then it was all over. The band took their exit, once again playing the fight song. Audience members began to file out too, back to the quiet recesses of Butler and Hamilton. Bwog made our leave with an orgo night novice who could not stop grinning. “This is so great! I’ve never been happier to go to school here!” she said. The smile suddenly disappeared. “Don’t tell anyone I said that.”