For a three-day week, it sure felt a lot longer. Maybe it was the newness, maybe it was the heat (or Hanna). Either way, let’s relive this auspicious beginning to the semester.

Your professors began class in off-putting and amusing ways

A mysterious antagonist offended one violent feminist in EC 

We discovered our beloved bird of prey was a plural

To little fanfare, tacos were substituted for stir-fry in Ferris Booth 

It was announced Obama and McCain would soon descend upon Roone

At which point, every single person in the world immediately tried to secure tickets. These attempts were rebuffed by fickle and cruel technology.