The Market Basket: Late Night Caffeine

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It’s after midnight, and you’re tired. While Bwog can’t help you create your own individually tailored regimen of stimulants, we can provide your best nearby source of stimulating drinks to get you through that all-nighter: Morton, JJ’s or Hamdel.

The four drinks: Red Bull, generic coffee, Lipton tea, and Coke or Pepsi all of which have their Columbia constituencies. We’ve outlined below the price of a unit of these brain-enhancing beverages, and, for the caffeine-only stimulants, the bang for your buck in milligrams of caffeine per dollar). This comparison of course ignores other critical factors (steps from Butler, coolness of staff, availability of cookie products, etc.), but it still yields some surprising results.

   Morton JJs


Red Bull (8.4 oz)

 $1.25 (12 oz.)

159.6 mg/$

$1.40 (16 oz)  

190 mg/$ 

$0.85 (10 oz)  

195.6 mg/$ 

Lipton Tea (one bag)

$1.25 (one tea bag) 

44 mg/$ 

$1.40 (one tea bag) 

39.3 mg/$ 

$0.85 (one tea bag)

64 mg/$ 

Coke/Pepsi (20 oz.)

$1.49 (20 oz)

41.9 mg/$ 

$1.50 (20 oz)  

41.6 mg/$ 

 $1.50 (20 oz)

41.6 mg/$

For non-taurine fans, Hamdel is clearly the way to go, but, shockingly, Morton is actually your best source for Red Bull. Though The Market Basket’s official scoreboard says “Morton Williams: 0, Everyone else: 2,” those whose special tastes for instant soup and taurine are, amazingly, best served right across Broadway.  


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  1. umm  

    red bull is 2.19 and duane reade or 2.00 if you get a 4-pack. also, it's 24-hours.

  2. sorry  

    I mean at, not and.

  3. Insomniac  

    Go to M2M before midnight and cop that Bawls energy drink if Red Bull doesn't help.
    Also, yeah for Red Bull go to D. Reade.

  4. actually  

    caffeine has a melting point of 460 deg F. so the caption in the picture is a bit hard to believe.

  5. DHI  

    I think IAB has red bull for 2.00, but I might be wrong

  6. Anonymous  

    This analysis fails to mention that HamDel coffee is fucking atrocious.

    And in re: Red Bull, the IAB vending machine Red Bull is, I believe, $2.50.

  7. incomplete  

    This analysis is incomplete as hell. Bwog... come on!

    We want the no-bullshit-guide-to-caffeine. Starbucks, Pinnacle, Misc. Delis, Westside, et al.

  8. additionally  

    Bawls is available at Morton Williams. Duane Reade has Red Bull for $1.99 or less if you buy a 4-pack.

  9. Mastercard

    Teabagging a bull while high on coke: Priceless.

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