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The Market Basket: Late Night Caffeine

It’s after midnight, and you’re tired. While Bwog can’t help you create your own individually tailored regimen of stimulants, we can provide your best nearby source of stimulating drinks to get you through that all-nighter: Morton, JJ’s or Hamdel.

The four drinks: Red Bull, generic coffee, Lipton tea, and Coke or Pepsi all of which have their Columbia constituencies. We’ve outlined below the price of a unit of these brain-enhancing beverages, and, for the caffeine-only stimulants, the bang for your buck in milligrams of caffeine per dollar). This comparison of course ignores other critical factors (steps from Butler, coolness of staff, availability of cookie products, etc.), but it still yields some surprising results.

   Morton JJs

Hamdel

Red Bull (8.4 oz)
$2.59
$2.99
 $2.99
 Coffee

 $1.25 (12 oz.)

159.6 mg/$

$1.40 (16 oz)  

190 mg/$ 

$0.85 (10 oz)  

195.6 mg/$ 

Lipton Tea (one bag)

$1.25 (one tea bag) 

44 mg/$ 

$1.40 (one tea bag) 

39.3 mg/$ 

$0.85 (one tea bag)

64 mg/$ 

Coke/Pepsi (20 oz.)

$1.49 (20 oz)

41.9 mg/$ 

$1.50 (20 oz)  

41.6 mg/$ 

 $1.50 (20 oz)

41.6 mg/$


For non-taurine fans, Hamdel is clearly the way to go, but, shockingly, Morton is actually your best source for Red Bull. Though The Market Basket’s official scoreboard says “Morton Williams: 0, Everyone else: 2,” those whose special tastes for instant soup and taurine are, amazingly, best served right across Broadway.  

– ESN

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12 Comments

  • umm says:

    @umm red bull is 2.19 and duane reade or 2.00 if you get a 4-pack. also, it’s 24-hours.

  • sorry says:

    @sorry I mean at, not and.

  • Insomniac says:

    @Insomniac Go to M2M before midnight and cop that Bawls energy drink if Red Bull doesn’t help.
    Also, yeah for Red Bull go to D. Reade.

  • actually says:

    @actually caffeine has a melting point of 460 deg F. so the caption in the picture is a bit hard to believe.

    1. maybe says:

      @maybe the seal is making that face because it’s SO FREAKING HOT

  • DHI says:

    @DHI I think IAB has red bull for 2.00, but I might be wrong

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous This analysis fails to mention that HamDel coffee is fucking atrocious.

    And in re: Red Bull, the IAB vending machine Red Bull is, I believe, $2.50.

    1. DHI says:

      @DHI Their prices have gone up. They used to have $0.75 Dr. Pepper cans but those days are gone.

  • incomplete says:

    @incomplete This analysis is incomplete as hell. Bwog… come on!

    We want the no-bullshit-guide-to-caffeine. Starbucks, Pinnacle, Misc. Delis, Westside, et al.

  • additionally says:

    @additionally Bawls is available at Morton Williams. Duane Reade has Red Bull for $1.99 or less if you buy a 4-pack.

  • Mastercard says:

    @Mastercard Teabagging a bull while high on coke: Priceless.

  • Anonymous says:

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