It’s after midnight, and you’re tired. While Bwog can’t help you create your own individually tailored regimen of stimulants, we can provide your best nearby source of stimulating drinks to get you through that all-nighter: Morton, JJ’s or Hamdel.

The four drinks: Red Bull, generic coffee, Lipton tea, and Coke or Pepsi all of which have their Columbia constituencies. We’ve outlined below the price of a unit of these brain-enhancing beverages, and, for the caffeine-only stimulants, the bang for your buck in milligrams of caffeine per dollar). This comparison of course ignores other critical factors (steps from Butler, coolness of staff, availability of cookie products, etc.), but it still yields some surprising results.

   Morton JJs


Red Bull (8.4 oz)

 $1.25 (12 oz.)

159.6 mg/$

$1.40 (16 oz)  

190 mg/$ 

$0.85 (10 oz)  

195.6 mg/$ 

Lipton Tea (one bag)

$1.25 (one tea bag) 

44 mg/$ 

$1.40 (one tea bag) 

39.3 mg/$ 

$0.85 (one tea bag)

64 mg/$ 

Coke/Pepsi (20 oz.)

$1.49 (20 oz)

41.9 mg/$ 

$1.50 (20 oz)  

41.6 mg/$ 

 $1.50 (20 oz)

41.6 mg/$

For non-taurine fans, Hamdel is clearly the way to go, but, shockingly, Morton is actually your best source for Red Bull. Though The Market Basket’s official scoreboard says “Morton Williams: 0, Everyone else: 2,” those whose special tastes for instant soup and taurine are, amazingly, best served right across Broadway.