Columbians and their associates spent the last week expounding their well-honed opinions on everything.  From the Core and finance we find ourselves traipsing across a vast field of subjects, much like Frontiers.  Raised on words, we now present AltSpec: The Epic Narrative.

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Bwog’s favorite horn-rimmed glasses wearer Andrew Delbanco sounded off about pretty much everything in The Chronicle: The problem with Obama is the young people and their technical education, see (but Columbia has the Core!).

Perhaps in protest, George Soros blamed “liberalization” for These Economic Times–at a private dinner at Columbia, fittingly.  And, professors all over the country complained about us rotten kids getting survey course A’s we don’t deserve.

They’re all angry because finding parking around campus is near-impossible because of, you know, all those pesky students’ imaginary cars everywhere  But, fear not; Columbia is contracting out their parking services (yes, we have a valet) so Stephan can find a place for his Hummer.

Parking that Hummer will reduce air pollution, that’s for sure.  But thanks to Columbia researchers, we now know that air pollution causes pre-natal genetic mutations.  Blame your asthma on your pre-birth location.

Hopefully your asthma won’t lead you to take steroids.  As a Columbian, your active sports life would be threatened, much like Barry Bonds‘.  Law professor Daniel Richman weighed in on the trial and all-or-nothing juries.

It sounds like Bonds will need a new job one day. But, as a CU-sponsored panel decided, he won’t find one in infrastructure–Obama’s rural broadband plan may not work on the job creation front.

However, rural broadband means more people can watch really new, shiny versions of classic cartoons.  And if you can’t handle all those videos, we’ve figured out a way to parse them all, too.  Watch out, Youtube.  (Right.)