The new issue of The Jester (up now in pdf) should hit your local Butler table sometime today or tomorrow. Don’t be alarmed by the fire engine red, it’s just The Jester’s way of solving the age-old problem of how to catch your attention as effectively and obnoxiously as possible. 

Never been to career services? Maybe you have questions about resumes, or about oral sex? (22-23, Jester’s pages)

But you don’t need a resume to cook meth in your dorm room (11).

Alternatively, feed yourself using the newest form of Flex Dollars. Number of bicep, tricep, and shirtless full-shoulder muscle flexes per flex dollar have yet to be determined (16).

Or make chicken wings disappear and reappear by a combination of inductive reasoning, deductive reasoning, and magic (5). 

There’s no solution to Jay-Z’s problems, except lip surgery (20-21).

Hey, this isn’t like where’s waldo – there are phalli everywhere! (12-13)