May

8

There Once Was A Final Exam…

Written by

Put down the Sparknotes, freshmen—Bwog has your cheatsheet study guide to the Lit Hum exam right here.

No, we’re not trying for a repeat of those fateful days of two years yore, but we are hoping to help you prepare for your Lit Hum exam with the best study device known to mankind: limericks.

After the jump, Bwog has converted all several thousand pages of reading into 11 limericks, the perfect size for you to memorize in between sips of Red Bull and Pepsi Max. Only the required texts could be included, so if your instructor slipped some random book into the syllabus (Persepolis, anyone?), you’ll be on your own, unfortunately.

But, as you freshmen take a last-minute—and maybe first-time—glance over your Lit Hum books, Bwog wishes you best of luck. You’ve almost made it!


 AENEID  (Vergil)

Aeneas of Troy had grown tired

Of fighting off gods who conspired.

From Carthage he’d sailed,

Fought hard and prevailed:

To rule Latium was what he desired.
 KING LEAR (Shakespeare)

There once was a man named King Lear

With two daughters who were really queer

Cordelia got kicked out

While Edmund had a pout

And ‘Never’ was the word we would hear
 METAMORPHOSES (Ovid)

In this story the constant is change

The transforming spans quite a range:

Into birds, trees, and dogs,

Circe’s victims to hogs.

Yet the poems survived, which is strange.
 DON QUIXOTE (Cervantes)

I know what you think, this one’s easy

Dude thinks he’s Prince Charming, fo’sheezy

But his missions quixotic

Look merely psychotic

The end makes romantics quite queasy!
CONFESSIONS (Augustine)

Saint Auggie stole pears and loved sex.

No one knew where his mind would go next.

But he became Christian

When in a garden he listened

To a voice that Satan did vex.
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (Austen)

A fripperous fable of Britain,

The most the most elegant prose ever written,

Where the worst kind of flirts

Find out that love hurts.

Pity Liz, with whom Darcy is smitten!
DIVINE COMEDY (Dante)

There once was an arrogant poem

Where Dante through Hades did roam.

He met friend and foe,

Stuck Ulysses down low,

And now we’re stuck reading his tome.
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT (Dostoevsky)

Raskolnikov wielded an axe,

Then found that he could not relax.

A detective–Porfiry–

Made poor Rodion leery

With his tireless hunt for the facts.
DECAMERON (Boccaccio)

Ten teenagers go gallivanting,

In the countryside they start a’ranting,

Devils in hell,

On the roof for a spell,

Frisky nuns they’re still a ‘panting.
TO THE LIGHTHOUSE (Woolf)

To the lighthouse James wanted to go,

But his scholarly Father said no.

Though his Mom said they might,

She then died in the night,

And the trip ten years later just blowed.
ESSAYS (Montaigne)

Imagination can fuck you up?

And idleness totally sucks?

What does it mean to repent?

What about when years are spent?

Montaigne will never shut up.
—JYH, DYB, LDP, SV, JMB

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19 Comments

  1. wielded  

    not weilded for C&P

  2. Limericks are fun:  

    The poems that you've got here are cute
    And more or less truthful, to boot
    But I know, alas
    That I ain't gonna pass
    So the point here is more or less moot.

  3. Fixed it:  

    The poems that you've got here are cute

    And more or less truthful, to boot

    But I know, alas

    That I ain't gonna pass

    So the point here is pretty much moot.

  4. what

    where are the CC limericks.

    i want a nietzsche limerick

  5. sad girl  

    There once was a junior from SEAS,
    Whose mind just decided to freeze,
    Can a poem help her cram
    for any SEAS exam?
    Nope. So much for a degree.

  6. cheatsheet  

    As a member of the class 2 years ago who was privy to the cheating fiasco (read: heaven), I can assure you that limericks--while just ever so charming--just do not create the same effect as your professor telling you the what quotes will appear on the exam for us to identify....

  7. ...  

    Oh God does CC suck some ass
    I'm serious, this class sucks ass.
    I hate CC
    Oh yes I hate CC
    Fuck this class, it really sucks ass.

  8. Sad  

    So pathetic that you kids don't actually do your Lit Hum and CC reading... why'd you bother coming to Columbia? These two courses are what distinguishes Columbia alumni from those of other schools. You had the opportunity, and you blew it.

    Limericks to pass the finals? How pathetic.

  9. bravo  

    well done, bwog

  10. sad  

    there was once a final exam
    for which not even gods could cram
    it was metrics with till
    and it's making me ill
    a failed student walking, I am

  11. sentimental senior

    I love Lit Hum and CC. They were the best classes at Columbia.

  12. Illusion of Freedom  

    ...Having to choose 10 out of 11 ids.

    I get it now.

  13. woah - it's hard  

    to see you up there
    ...what with you being on such a high horse and all.

    enjoy & celebrate your own education and successes but don't belittle the choices of others.

    sincerely,
    someone who did (almost) all of the reading

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