There Once Was A Final Exam…
Written by Bwog Staff
Put down the Sparknotes, freshmen—Bwog has your cheatsheet study guide to the Lit Hum exam right here.
No, we’re not trying for a repeat of those fateful days of two years yore, but we are hoping to help you prepare for your Lit Hum exam with the best study device known to mankind: limericks.
After the jump, Bwog has converted all several thousand pages of reading into 11 limericks, the perfect size for you to memorize in between sips of Red Bull and Pepsi Max. Only the required texts could be included, so if your instructor slipped some random book into the syllabus (Persepolis, anyone?), you’ll be on your own, unfortunately.
But, as you freshmen take a last-minute—and maybe first-time—glance over your Lit Hum books, Bwog wishes you best of luck. You’ve almost made it!
| AENEID (Vergil)
Aeneas of Troy had grown tired
Of fighting off gods who conspired.
From Carthage he’d sailed,
Fought hard and prevailed:
To rule Latium was what he desired.
| KING LEAR (Shakespeare)
There once was a man named King Lear
With two daughters who were really queer
Cordelia got kicked out
While Edmund had a pout
And ‘Never’ was the word we would hear
| METAMORPHOSES (Ovid)
In this story the constant is change
The transforming spans quite a range:
Into birds, trees, and dogs,
Circe’s victims to hogs.
Yet the poems survived, which is strange.
| DON QUIXOTE (Cervantes)
I know what you think, this one’s easy
Dude thinks he’s Prince Charming, fo’sheezy
But his missions quixotic
Look merely psychotic
The end makes romantics quite queasy!
Saint Auggie stole pears and loved sex.
No one knew where his mind would go next.
But he became Christian
When in a garden he listened
To a voice that Satan did vex.
| PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (Austen)
A fripperous fable of Britain,
The most the most elegant prose ever written,
Where the worst kind of flirts
Find out that love hurts.
Pity Liz, with whom Darcy is smitten!
|DIVINE COMEDY (Dante)
There once was an arrogant poem
Where Dante through Hades did roam.
He met friend and foe,
Stuck Ulysses down low,
And now we’re stuck reading his tome.
| CRIME AND PUNISHMENT (Dostoevsky)
Raskolnikov wielded an axe,
Then found that he could not relax.
Made poor Rodion leery
With his tireless hunt for the facts.
Ten teenagers go gallivanting,
In the countryside they start a’ranting,
Devils in hell,
On the roof for a spell,
Frisky nuns they’re still a ‘panting.
| TO THE LIGHTHOUSE (Woolf)
To the lighthouse James wanted to go,
But his scholarly Father said no.
Though his Mom said they might,
She then died in the night,
And the trip ten years later just blowed.
Imagination can fuck you up?
And idleness totally sucks?
What does it mean to repent?
What about when years are spent?
Montaigne will never shut up.
| —JYH, DYB, LDP, SV, JMB