May

15

Senior Wisdom: Jacob Taber

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Name, Class
: Jacob Taber, GS/JTS

Claim to fame: SGB Vice-Chair, Dems Board ’06-’07 (i.e. the year of the Minutemen), Baccalaureate speaker, general Jew-about-town

Post-grad plans: Finance staff (fundraising) for a Senate race, and marrying my beautiful fiancée.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

(1) You haven’t really made it on this campus until you’ve been torn a new one by Bwog trolls.

(2) If you’re drunk enough, anything can be deep-fried. But use your own kitchen.

(3) MoMA is far more persnickety about having an up-to-date semester sticker than anywhere on campus.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

“Jacob is best known in certain circles on campus for his role in setting up a giant inflatable missile on Low Plaza to demonstrate the scariness of the Iranian bomb…”

Favorite study spot? The first time I witnessed the sun rising majestically over the brownstones of Frat Row, I was doing a victory dance on a table in Butler 403 after writing my first 15-pager in a night. So, let’s say there (or Sakura park when the weather turns).

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

The Ahmadinemania carnival was the closest Columbia’s ever come to a massive campus-wide outdoor concert (sorry Bacchanal), and was both short and sweet. Close second: Hungerstrike-topus.

Any battle wounds/war stories from the War on Fun?

Happily, JTS housing hasn’t yet taken up arms in this struggle. I guess that’s the trade-off for four years without swipe access.

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

If it’s kosher cheese, the answer’s obvious…

What do you wish you could tell the Class of 2013 before they come here?

In the immortal words of Mr. T, “Be somebody, or be somebody’s fool.” Inventing and reinventing yourself is what college is all about, so own who you are. Study abroad. See ASSSSCAT 3000 at UCBT. And don’t graduate without spending some time in all 5 boroughs…or at least the top 4.

Regrets?

8:20 a.m. class, three days a week, three semester in a row. Also, that I didn’t strike up a conversation while peeing next to Brian Dennehy.

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17 Comments

  1. heed  

    the MoMA advice, museum goers. I got screwed over by those assclowns twice

  2. yay  

    jacob is one of the sweetest people here! thanks for profiling him!

  3. re: JTS housing

    What the fuck are you talking about? JTS housing is Judeofascism at its very worst, although I suppose that reslife is no more dysfunctional than the rest of the institution...

    Otherwise, good luck with married, graduated life!

  4. everyone  

    should go listen to Taber speak at Baccalaureate. he is great! Thanks Jacob for imparting your wisdom to us

    PS your fiancee is beautiful

  5. also  

    exactly 30 words. nice

  6. is this kid  

    is this kid serious

  7. yay  

    i love jacob!

    what a good guy. thanks!

  8. truth

    sooooo true about MoMa--assholes..

    also...love jacob!

  9. omg  

    so true about the deep frying.

  10. MoMA?  

    No way. You must not have gone to all the museums the CUID offers you, because the Whitney is the most uptight.

    Love the 30 words thing.

  11. hmm  

    why do so many conservative/orthodox Jews get married so young? Pressure from the 'rents? How do so many people get married without a career going?

    • Early Marriage

      the timing of marriage typically has cultural connotations, same thing with childbearing. im from the south and half of my graduating high school class is married already and many have a child or children already as well.

    • umm...

      why the shock and skepticism? different cultures generally do have different times for life-cycle events...Or, perhaps you can just accept that they wanted to and will work it out as the adults we should be by this age

  12. mar ukva  

    Jacob is so awesome, he knows what Mar Ukva didn't when he came to Ginzak.

  13. MHer

    Jacob is truly awesome and everyone should get to know him! Best of luck in life-I know you will go very far!

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