Name, Class
: Jacob Taber, GS/JTS

Claim to fame: SGB Vice-Chair, Dems Board ’06-’07 (i.e. the year of the Minutemen), Baccalaureate speaker, general Jew-about-town

Post-grad plans: Finance staff (fundraising) for a Senate race, and marrying my beautiful fiancée.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

(1) You haven’t really made it on this campus until you’ve been torn a new one by Bwog trolls.

(2) If you’re drunk enough, anything can be deep-fried. But use your own kitchen.

(3) MoMA is far more persnickety about having an up-to-date semester sticker than anywhere on campus.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

“Jacob is best known in certain circles on campus for his role in setting up a giant inflatable missile on Low Plaza to demonstrate the scariness of the Iranian bomb…”

Favorite study spot? The first time I witnessed the sun rising majestically over the brownstones of Frat Row, I was doing a victory dance on a table in Butler 403 after writing my first 15-pager in a night. So, let’s say there (or Sakura park when the weather turns).

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

The Ahmadinemania carnival was the closest Columbia’s ever come to a massive campus-wide outdoor concert (sorry Bacchanal), and was both short and sweet. Close second: Hungerstrike-topus.

Any battle wounds/war stories from the War on Fun?

Happily, JTS housing hasn’t yet taken up arms in this struggle. I guess that’s the trade-off for four years without swipe access.

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

If it’s kosher cheese, the answer’s obvious…

What do you wish you could tell the Class of 2013 before they come here?

In the immortal words of Mr. T, “Be somebody, or be somebody’s fool.” Inventing and reinventing yourself is what college is all about, so own who you are. Study abroad. See ASSSSCAT 3000 at UCBT. And don’t graduate without spending some time in all 5 boroughs…or at least the top 4.


8:20 a.m. class, three days a week, three semester in a row. Also, that I didn’t strike up a conversation while peeing next to Brian Dennehy.