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QuickFed: Advice for Grads Edition


Graduating this month? The new Fed‘s got great advice to help you through your transition over the next few weeks. You won’t find the inside scoop on graduating from college anywhere else!

Do not, by any means, let the stress of graduating affect your vigilance in the War on Hipsters. If we don’t stop them, they’ll be starting their own country any day now.

It’s probably a good idea to have sex in some outrageous place on campus before you leave. Once you’re just a creepy grad hanging around, it gets a lot harder.

If you’re about to graduate with an Urban Studies major, well, don’t do that.

Academic jargon doesn’t fly in the real world. Familiarize yourself with the hip lingo before you leave Morningside and make an ass of yourself.

If you haven’t had the nightmare about bagging groceries for the rest of your life yet, you should get on that. 

You should also probably start mentally adjusting to your shitty new job as soon as possible. Seek counseling in advance. Meth always helps, too.

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8 Comments

  • proud! says:

    @proud! I’m really really proud of the Fed this year. They pulled their shit together, and actually made the paper work. I applaud the staff, and whoever the EIC is this year. Good job.

  • Thor says:

    @Thor Benderson, have my children.

  • Surfin' UWS says:

    @Surfin' UWS “Let’s face it: you are abnormal if you’re not depressed for at least a few weeks of freshman year. Past that point, however, it is just you and you are quite irreparably maladjusted.”

    “Hipsters are one of the most oppressed groups in American History.They experience utter hatred from their parents who maliciously chose to birth them into this vacuous, consumerist American culture.”

    Hehe, I could picture varsity songs reading those. Brilliant.

    Did I miss the quickJest or are they done for the year?

    1. QuickJest says:

      @QuickJest happened yesterday or the day before.
      Magazines are out and about. Online version here: http://www.jesterofcolumbia.net

  • UGH says:

    @UGH I can’t read things that mix up hyphens with dashes.

  • Yeah, says:

    @Yeah, The henderson and Philipe pieces are pretty funny.

    Somewhere along the way Fed became reliable for lols. They’ve been on fire this year.

  • BENDERSON says:

    @BENDERSON IS A BALLER

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