2009 NSOP: Somebody Didn’t Think of the Children

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Earlier this afternoon, the coordinators over at NSOP finally released their schedule book, a hefty pamphlet full of some orientation activities and some more advertising. The breakdown, day-by-day:

  • Monday: Convocation, OL meetings, Class Act/College Night, blah, blah, etc.
  • Tuesday: This year’s Lit Hum first class teacher? Gareth Williams. SEAS, on the other hand, gets the hodgepodge of “Perspectives in Science.” Score one for CC. The night’s activity for CC and SEAS is “Night Out with Your Floor,” while Barnard has the second of three “Community Nights” for floormate bonding.
  • Wednesday: Under1Roof sessions begin. The evening is occupied by Community Forum, where first-years will “experience the campus community you now share.” Both events’ lessons will be equally forgotten by Friday. And meal plans start working.
  • Thursday pre-dinner: The centerpiece of the day is “Health LIVE,” which includes “a hilarious look into the lives of Columbia and Barnard first-years trying to hang out, hook up, and fit in,” followed by small group discussions of “what consent is and how we give and get it.” Hilarious, indeed.
  • Thursday night: Both big events of the week are shoved together into one night. First up are three hours at the Central Park Zoo to “unleash your inner animal at a dance party with your classmates.” Then CC and SEAS get a nightcap: a “Michael Jackson-themed after party, where we’ll help you cram for registration.” After all, deciding which electives to take is so much easier with visions of pedophiles dancing in your head.
  • Friday: The class councils hold info sessions (insert ego joke here), and, if you have to stay on campus, there’s an Open Mic Night.
  • Saturday: Lots of walking tours. First-years, take one that’s far away from campus – it’ll be your longest city trip for the next four years.
  • Sunday: More walking tours, and student group meet and greets, plus the Performance Showcase.
  • Monday, September 8th: Even more walking tours, and JJ’s hosts a party at the end of the night.

So, there you have NSOP 2009: no Blaze, no stand-up comedy, and no concert on the Steps. War on Fun, how we hate thee.

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  1. ...

    this was weaksauce, bwog. sorry.

  2. Sigh

    I'll bet a hundred dollars that this was all the handiwork of some mid-level bureaucrat with a PhD in educational leadership.

    What a load of crap.

  3. Right On

    As a member of a shafted student group, I hate NSOP. Bwog, hilarious. Keep up the jokes at their expense.

  4. KORONET'S  


  5. what happened

    to the fall concert?? we are in new york city dammit, i want to see some free entertainment apart from the rapping crackheads on corners.

  6. prices

    excuse my ignorance, but what was koronets last year?

  7. The Great Recession


  8. MJ joke

    a little early, no? i'm still listening to thriller...

  9. CUMBie

    CUMB may be making a special appearance at the sundial midday on Wednesday... check for posters. And bring a flashlight.

  10. CC '04  

    In my day, you whippersnapper, Koronets could only be reached by pack mule three months of the year for all but the hardiest drunks. And it was only $2.50.

  11. ...

    re: "Saturday: Lots of walking tours. First-years, take one that's far away from campus - it'll be your longest city trip for the next four years."

    Bwog, many people at columbia manage to get off campus quite a bit. Perhaps if you weren't so busy scurrying about campus typing up cranky summaries of student body e-mails you would realize this. Save the cynicism for midterms and for now let the froshies enjoy one of the best weeks of college.

  12. pretty sure

    sept 8 is tuesday

  13. soooo

    no more party at the Met? Sad.

  14. 11er

    i remember our ellis island trip. that was good stuff

  15. when

    when do freshmen register? I have registration appointments starting Saturday, do freshmen get to register before then?

  16. NSOP schedule

    Monday: Get wasted
    Tuesday: Get wasted
    Wednesday: Get wasted
    Thursday: Get wasted
    Friday: Get CAVA'd
    Saturday: Get wasted
    Sunday: Get wasted
    Monday: Oh shit we have to register for classes?

  17. 2011

    had the best NSOP events. Ellis Island and Met Party... can't beat that. Downside: no more money for NSOP. My sympathies to 2013.

  18. Haha

    Gareth Williams lecture. Have fun kids!

  19. 09 Grad

    Dammit, Columbia. I miss you and your strange social scene.

  20. Wow  

    NSOP sucks this year. I mean, it's usually pretty awful, but they managed to cut the few things that were actually fun.

  21. so sad

    Wow, Bwog, what a scoop. I guess it's easy to swoop in a week before classes start and make fun of people who have been working hard all summer while you've been twiddling your thumbs. Well done.

  22. Actually, Bwog,  

    Blaze hasn't been called that for three years (it was CURemix most recently), and there hasn't been stand-up comedy OR a concert on the steps for two years now. If you're going to insult NSOP, at least keep it current, Bwog. I think this wins most poorly-researched article '09. but hey there's still time left in the year to be more awful!

  23. Spanish Student Responds!  

    HOW. RUDE.
    Maybe you should go to the bathroom and extract the stick that is currently lodged up your gluteus maximus. And then you should get laid.

  24. budget cuts

    Stop hatin' on NSOP. Its not the committee's fault that their budget was cut like the wrist of a melodramatic pre-teen.

  25. Browntown  

    Yeah, NSOP really sucks. Know what we should do? Have the new students move in the day before classes start. They can learn the ropes themselves. After all, they are Ivy League.

  26. whoa

    the best part of nsop was the morning runs, anyway. who cares about the big events? those usually suck anyway.

  27. CC 09

    nsop '05 was awesome. too bad for the class of freshmen!

    • CC 09

      Yeah I remember loving the MOMA garden party and the Intrepid party.The truth is NSOP, like Columbia, is what you make it. Freshies, go to the few events that matter and seem fun (pregame most), and keep a good attitude. Do that for four years and you will have an amazing time.

  28. wasteddddlol  

    haha yea brah yeaaaa

  29. alum

    "After all, deciding which electives to take is so much easier with visions of pedophiles dancing in your head."


  30. Ralph

    I really hated NSOP!! It was at Columbia!!

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