Jan

31

No Offense to Liz

Written by

Barnard cafés: now with even less bang for your (mandatory meal plan) buck

A couple of months ago, Dean Dorothy Denburg proudly announced that Barnard was to open a new café. “Liz’s Place,” as this café called itself, was to be a “wonderful resource” and “an expanded and improved-upon replacement for Java City” – presumably so flowing with mouth-watering snacktime treats that all mandatory meal-plan haters (read: everyone at Barnard) would suddenly realize their mistake and atone for their mandatory meal plan-hating ways.

Everyone held their breath as the doors parted to Liz’s Place on opening day. What could Dean Denburg have possibly meant by “improved”?, the students wondered to themselves. Would there be “100% fruit smoothies” that were actually made entirely of fruit and not of sugar- and dairy-enhanced fruit syrups? Would there be scones that didn’t crumble at the touch?

Here’s what these students found at Liz’s Place: muffins, donuts, and prepackaged sushi that were somehow even less compelling than their old Java City counterparts. The color scheme of the café (white + that uniquely Diana strange orangey color) set a sort of minimalist tone, and none of Java City’s big, comfy couches were anywhere in sight (R.I.P.). The lone two “improvements” Bwog could detect were that the sushi packs, confined at Java City to a food display case, had been (in keeping with said minimalist flair) oddly relocated to a stark-looking bed of ice, and that a new price list affixed to the café’s wall revealed products’ calorie information. (The caloric content of the food, incidentally, is a bit less in keeping with the minimalist flair). Also, there was chocolate pudding.

Now what didn’t the students find at Liz’s Place? Among the items absent from this fine establishment were the handful of school supplies and personal care items formerly available at Java City: highlighters, Bic pens, tampons, cough drops, and Pepto-Bismol. Bwog’s guess is that these products have gone into storage and will be making their return as the “new convenience store opening in the Quad next fall”; Bwog doesn’t expect too many people to be holding their breath on that opening day.

Liz’s Place is located on the first floor of the Diana Center and open from 8 AM to 12 AM Mondays through Thursdays and 8 AM to 8 PM on Fridays. You can visit the website and see a picture of what hot chocolate there doesn’t look like here.

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11 Comments

  1. Vag Finally Ready

    No tampon, no funky fluid, no pen is in there? Sounds like we're all systems go!

  2. Vag-a-rific  

    No tampons? How could they call it the Vag without tampons??

  3. asdf  

    this place is good calm down

  4. Anonymous  

    I just think you should know that Liz' Place was donated in memory of Elizabeth Yeh Singh BC '88, an active trustee and alum who unfortunately died at a very young age. So I just feel like the title of this post is kind of insensitive. I get that Bwog is a blunt and candid blog and I appreciate it for that but sometimes a line should be drawn.

    • that's ridiculous  

      Lerner Hall was named after Alfred Lerner, noted banker and dead man. Should we not ever voice complaint about Lerner's ramps or the poor food in Lerner because we would be dishonoring the memory of Alfred Lerner and his noble, losing battle against brain cancer?

      Obviously a criticism about a building/place like this is distinct from a boorish insult directed at the person whose name the building/place commemorates. This post falls in the former category, not the latter, so it's not "kind of insensitive"—although, given your oversensitivity, some insensitivity might do you some good.

  5. Anonymous

    Somehow the line has gotten even slower...if that's actually possible.

    I think that the biggest complaint about Java City in Altschul was that there weren't enough seats. I wish that they'd taken that into account and made Liz's bigger. Once the upstairs dining hall opens for lunch, there is going to be absolutely nowhere to sit in the entire building from 12:30 to 2:30 every afternoon.

  6. Anonymous  

    the new java suckssss. change it!

  7. Anonymous

    Please do not so carelessly demean Kozy Shack chocolate pudding. That shit deserves a paragraph of its own.

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