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This Week in Wien: Theft Has Consequences

Living in Wien is hard enough: the isolation, the rust, the stigma! Now, the CU Secret Police are threatening to storm the Dorm that Time Forgot–that is, enter every Wien room–to determine where some missing lounge furniture has ended up.

Bwog has heard whispers of the drama, and has just intercepted an email sent from the Associate Director of Residential Programs outlining the furniture heist. At least 6 chairs have gone missing from the 2nd floor computer lab, as well as 2 sofa cushions from the 2nd floor kitchen. Worse still, 6 wooden chairs have disappeared from a kitchen table on the 2nd floor. Unless these items are returned by 9 AM next Thursday the 28th, a terrifying-sounding troupe of Res Program, Housing and Maintenance staff will open every door in Wien between 9 AM and 5 PM. Seriously. Read the full email after the jump.

Dear Wien Residents:

Greetings to those of you returning to Wien, and for any of you who are new to the Wien community, welcome!  It was good to see so many of you at floor meetings this past Tuesday evening.

I am writing with an important and critical update for all Wien residents.  A number of pieces of furniture have gone missing from both the 2nd floor computer lab and the 2nd floor kitchen.  Specifically, 6 chairs from the computer lab, 2 sofa cushions from the kitchen, and 6 wooden chairs from around the kitchen table, all have gone missing.

The Office of Residential Programs is committed to providing a residential experience that encourages respect, mutual understanding, and a sense of community.  When individuals in our community remove furniture from our common lounges for private usage, the community is impacted.

The primary goal is to have the furniture returned to the computer lab/kitchen immediately so that our entire community can benefit from the use of these spaces.  If all of the missing lounge furniture is not returned by 9 am on Thursday, January 28, 2010, Residential Programs, Housing, and Facilities staff will enter all residential rooms in Wien between 9 am and 5 pm on that date.  Any piece of “missing” furniture found in a student room will immediately be removed from the room and returned to the computer lab/kitchen.  If residents have the missing furniture in their room, they will be subject to the Dean’s Discipline process.  We hope that we will not have to take this step so I would appreciate everyone’s cooperation in resolving this matter.

I appreciate your consideration of the Wien community.

Sincerely,

Kristen Sylvester

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24 Comments

  • Aron says:

    @Aron Is the stuff back?

  • idea: says:

    @idea: as soon as the raids finish today at 5 everyone go into your lounges and take all the furniture

    1. produced by a dim bulb says:

      @produced by a dim bulb today’s not thursday the 28th, genius.

    2. produced by a dim bulb says:

      @produced by a dim bulb ok fine i didn’t read the east campus comment

  • Some Freshman says:

    @Some Freshman same in Furnald.
    Apparently a table from the laundry room has disappeared.

  • Columbia swatow says:

    @Columbia swatow That’s what my ReCaptcha words were. Coincidence Columbia was in there or not?

  • huh? says:

    @huh? how does furniture fit into those tiny jail cells deemed wien living spaces to even steal?

  • awww shit says:

    @awww shit get your towels ready

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous it’s about to go down

      1. anon says:

        @anon we runnin this.
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8F3UE9qFsg

        also, my human identification words
        “gayest dissidents”
        ah-mazing.

  • actually says:

    @actually Dear East Campus Residents:

    Greetings to those of you returning to East Campus, and for any of you who are new to the EC community, welcome!

    I am writing with an important and critical update for all EC residents. A number of pieces of furniture have gone missing from both the 20th floor lounge and the 12th floor lounge. Specifically, 2 sofa chairs and 3 wooden chairs from the 20th floor lounge; and 3 sofa chairs and 4 wooden chairs from the 12th floor lounge, all have gone missing.

    The Office of Residential Programs is committed to providing a residential experience that encourages respect, mutual understanding, and a sense of community. When individuals in our community remove furniture from our common lounges for private usage, the community is impacted. Last semester, many RAs spoke with residents encouraging the prompt return of all lounge furniture, which did result in some furniture reappearing.

    The primary goal is to have all of the furniture returned to the 20th and 12th floor lounges immediately so that our entire community can benefit from the use of these spaces. If all of the missing lounge furniture is not returned by 9 am on Monday, January 25, 2010, Residential Programs, Housing, and Facilities staff will enter all residential rooms in EC between 9 am and 5 pm on that date. Any piece of “missing” furniture found in a student room will immediately be removed from the room and returned to the respective lounge. If residents have the missing furniture in their room, they will be subject to the Dean’s Discipline process. We hope that we will not have to take this step so I would appreciate everyone’s cooperation in resolving this matter.

    I appreciate your consideration of the East Campus community.

    Sincerely,

    Kristen Sylvester

  • truth says:

    @truth this happened a couple of years ago as well. turned out all the furniture was piled high in one kid’s room. i kid you not.

    1. Wow says:

      @Wow what a jackass. I hope they let us know who the kid who stole all the furniture was, because I for one am pissed that Columbia is going to have to bumble through our rooms.

  • Jesus says:

    @Jesus This happens *every* year. Damn sense of entitlement and impotent rage.

  • please please please says:

    @please please please make this week in Wien a weekly column!

  • Maybe says:

    @Maybe If selfish people didn’t steal communal furniture this would not be neccesary!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous they’re doing this in EC too except we only have until monday

  • btw says:

    @btw East Campus got an e-mail like this also.

  • theo says:

    @theo ’twas the hamburgler

  • Nuriel Moghavem says:

    @Nuriel Moghavem “In order to provide a residential experience that encourages respect, mutual understanding, and a sense of community, we will consider every resident guilty until proven innocent.”

    never change, Columbia.

    1. qwacker says:

      @qwacker yeah, that’s the theory behind the universal search. but, in practice, how else are they going to get the stuff back from the jackasses that took it?

      1. person says:

        @person Assuming they’re at all related, do you honestly think that someone is holding 6 big wooden chairs, 6 computer lounge chairs and a few random couch cushions in their room? And if they’re not, how does Columbia University differentiate between what’s theirs and what isn’t – I know the dining room chairs aren’t marked. They’re not going to catch anyone, it’s either someone who’s exporting furniture or a bunch of isolated incidents that they can’t really demonstrate.

        1. a different person says:

          @a different person the search isn’t *guaranteed* to catch anybody but it holds out the strongest possibility. i’ve never been in the wien kitchen but the computer lab chairs i know are the standard upright blue chairs you find in the LLC. they’re clearly different from the burgundy semi-rocker chairs in wien rooms. so your argument against the search on practical grounds doesn’t hold water. practicality can easily be enlisted to argue the other side.

  • will says:

    @will That is the true genius of America, a faith in simple dreams, an insistence on small miracles; that we can tuck in our children at night and know that they are fed and clothed and safe from harm; that we can say what we think, steal what we will, without hearing a sudden knock on the door.

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