Senior Wisdom: Monica Quaintance

Written by

Name, school: Monica Quaintance, CC

Claim to fame: University Senate, Alpha Chi Omega, Ski Team!, Capoeira, Bach Society, Rock Climbing, Ballroom Dance, and, lately, that girl that is always on the steps skipping class and getting sunburnt.

Where are you going? 60 blocks south!

Three things you learned at Columbia: The best things I learned here weren’t from the faculty (not even the fabulous Caterina Pizzingoni), as amazing as they are. All the best stuff comes from other students:

  1. How to convince a bouncer you are an Armenian exchange student that doesn’t speak English
  2. How to fake just about anything: a scary face; a fencing stance; a terrible Russian accent; or a scary face, in a fencing stance, while speaking in a terrible Russian accent, like Cliff Massey taught me freshman year
  3. How to not take things too seriously, because in the long run no one remembers that stuff anyway.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Sometimes, to bring them together, people just need a smile. Or they need a firecracker. Or a firestorm. If I could do that even once, it was all worth it.

Any war stories from the War on Fun? I think the worst part of the “war on fun” is the administration’s general attitude towards students. They treat us like a liability, not like a potential wellspring of creativity and school spirit, and that makes the whole campus hostile to new and exciting things. For example, I was there when facilities commandeered the giant snowball this winter, and that was really tragic.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I think I would actually not be able to survive without cheese, because on a no-carb, low-meat diet I am basically a cheeseatarian, if such a thing exists. Cheese is my primary food group, so I can’t really give it up, even though the alternative is incredibly devastating.

Any advice for the Class of 2014? Push yourself! I am, at heart, totally lame, and given the choice between a) going out and b) watching Battlestar Galactica in my pajamas I am always inclined to the latter. But one of my best memories is romping downtown with fellow then first-years, that at the time I didn’t even know, and getting cut in line at Misfits by Jessica Simpson (she is really short, by the way, and not that hot). It’s the things outside your comfort zone that make you grow. So go for it, what have you got to lose?

Any regrets? Never. It has become such a cliché, there is even an amazing Jimmy Eat World song about it, but I refuse to ever regret anything. Every choice you make turns you into who you are, even the crappy ones, and you learn so much more from screwing up than you do from accidentally getting anything right. So no, no regrets! But I am going to try and meet as many fellow seniors as I can before I graduate, because you are all amazing and it would be a shame to go without meeting you all.

Tags: ,



    I already know what you fuckers are gonna write. Based on previous comments from you assholes, it's gonna be a combination of:

    1) My favorite SW so far!

    2) Love her! Such a nice/genuine person! Def. the most non-toolish SW so far!

    3) LAME SW.

    4) What a tool. She sounds like a tool.


    6) Ugh, so cliche. Can't she be more creative?

    7) Such cliche advice.

    8) Enough with the lame SWs! Please post an SW for [insert name of person who haven't been mentioned on SW yet]!!!

    9) I like her answer to the cheese question. Best one so far!

    10) I hate her answer to the cheese question. Completely stupid.

    Come on folks, don't you have any better comments to write? GET CREATIVE!

  2. premed  

    cheese has carbs. nice try.

    • biochemistry major

      Actually, cheese is really low in carbohydrates and I suspect that some cheeses have nearly zero carbs at all (e.g. aged cheeses). This is because cheese is made by the fermentation of milk, which involves the metabolism of sugars and other more complex carbohydrates by bacteria, leaving little to no carbs left once the process is finished.

      Or if you prefer a less scientific explanation, check out, which reports that 132 grams of cheese (roughly a quarter pound of cheese!) has only 2 grams of carbohydrates. So, yea, Monica is basically correct here. Cheese is definitely a low carb food.

    • diabetic  

      yup, cheese is definitely no-carb and diabeetus-friendy, thank god.

    • i guess

      that you aren't gonna go to a good med school then...

  3. Anonymous  

    this girl seriously sucks, she is the most annoying person i have ever met

  4. alumnus

    the administration probably wouldn't treat students as a liability if today's parents weren't so litigious.

  5. straight guy  

    ... would not touch her with a ten foot pole!

  6. hm

    "Cheese is my primary food group, so I can’t really give it up, even though the alternative is incredibly devastating."

    You meant the actual situation you were talking about, not the alternative.

  7. Anonymous  

    she is absolutely crazy. and by misfits, she means misshapes. sadly i was there.

  8. So Cute  

    Good SW, she's so cute! Is she single?

  9. hmm  

    how the undergrad student body managed to elect two of its worst for the senate, i will never know.

  10. guy

    I cannot comment because I have not made her ac-Quaintance.

  11. Anonymous

  12. Anonymous  

    god, this girl is annoying, insane and unpleasant. who had the bright idea to give her free advertising on bwog?

  13. lol

    this is the best senior wisdom yet lol lol

    also my recapcha is tragic endorsement LOL that's is exACTLY what blog did with this sw

  14. adfafdgsfdga  

    Is this real? I thought it was a joke.

  15. Anonymous  

    isn't she the one who spearheaded that proposal to hide all usenate minutes from the senate body for 50 years? yeah i don't think i want any of her wisdom...

  16. wow  

    what a tool.

    and you're not on a no-carb diet. I'm pretty sure beer is carbs, sweetie.

  17. Monica

    was in one of my classes this year, and she was really nice.

  18. Hmmm..  

    Not a good sign when all the negative comments get thumbs up and all the positive ones get hidden from thumbs down.

  19. Anonymous  

    bahaha monicas an ugly whore

  20. ugh

    reading these comments make me cringe they're so mean.
    but i have nothing to add to the contrary.....

  21. what the hell  

    is she wearing? was that pre or post foursome?

  22. Anonymous  

    What is wrong with you? I don't know this girl at all but come on, NO ONE deserves to have such anonymous horrible things said about them.

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.