New Friends!

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Orientation has begun! A few highlights from the morning:

  • An OL helping a freshman move pulled a taxidermied rodent out of the trunk of a car.
  • Overheard at the Chastity Belt gate at Barnard, mother to daughter: “stand in front of the gate! Smile! Pretend you’re happy!”
  • An OL opened the door to a car, activating the ceiling light. However, a strange mixture of heat and whatever science powers such devices contrived to explode the light, sending sparks down onto a memory foam pillow. Apparently these are highly flammable. And the stench of burning memory foam is the most horrible thing known to NSOP. The burning memory foam was then dumped in one of the Low Plaza fountains. Most people we’ve talked to today have heard of the incident; one mom said it smelled like chicken.
  • Another OL reports that she saw Steven Spielberg loitering outside John Jay.
  • DSpar was hanging out outside Barnard Hall, wearing white jeans, cork heels and hugging people.
  • Dean Blank (Dean of Studies at Barnard) was heard telling a group of OLs: “Orientation is a time of rebirth and renewal.”
  • At the same meeting, another dean told the OLs to cross their arms. They did. Then he told them to switch arms and fold them again. “See how uncomfortable that is?” he asked the group, “that’s how new students feel.”
  • Reprimand your OL if you see her (or him! Hey, we’ve got all kinds!) wearing a skirt shorter than where her fingers fall when she puts her hands at her sides. Also, no rolling of the NSOP tshirt.
  • A frat boy approached his friend, an OL and fellow member of his frat. “Have you seen any handsome ones?” Frat boy #1 whispered to Frat boy #2.
  • An OL unpacked four large boxes filled with individual Cheetos bags and Chex Mix bags.
  • There’s a Fairway booth at the registration tent with snack packs and Sour Patch Kids.
  • There’s a food spread in Van Am Quad (i.e. in front of Hartley and Wallach) with three different kinds of apples.
  • There’s a incredibly strange playlist booming from College Walk for all to hear. Some of the strangest: A Schoolhouse Rock ditty: “The Tale of Mr. Morton,” Stevie Wonder’s “Sir Duke,” some classical Chinese music, some Uzbek (we believe) folk music from the Steppe, a Moby song. At 12:23, they started playing “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” then cut it off, then all the music stopped.
  • At a trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond yesterday, the bus was so crammed with goods that the smallest OL in the group was asked to crawl into the cargo space at the bottom of the bus and pass out rugs, lamps, and such.
  • We caught up with an award-winning RA (seriously) who told us he was avoiding parents today. His advice to RAs: your job is to make sure the residents are having fun safely, not to get them in trouble. Amen! He recounted his first day of NSOP three years ago: he and his father got in a big fight about a mini-fridge, and then accused his dad of dropping him on his head as a child.
  • We heard a freshman complain to another freshman: “I’m so annoyed that the Orientation theme is the Odyssey. I’m in SEAS!”
  • An OL accidentally rolled a moving bin over her toe. She lost her entire toenail. Moving is dangerous.

Send us your NSOP pictures, overheards, and stories to [email protected].

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  1. anxiously excited  


  2. Minifridge

    The cause of much father-son orientation strife

  3. Anonymous

    Better music choices than last year. They started playing Green Day's "Time of Your Life" in the afternoon, and it actually made a mother and daughter standing in line at the info booth start to cry. Awesome decision to add that to playlist for a bunch of terrified parents and soon-to-be-homesick kids.

  4. Survivor

    "You Can't Always Get What You Want" - The unofficial Motto of the Columbia administration with regards to student services. They prefer to ignore the second half of the verse.

  5. BC '11

    What on earth is the Chastity Belt gate?

  6. ccapostrophethirteen

    my move in day they had 'I'm Yours'
    it was awesome walking from the white tents to kent to get my hideous ID picture taken cause right before i had to confront the hideousness of teh picture that would adorn my ID for the next few months ebfore i lost it, i managed to get an incredible first-time view of butler, jj, carman, lerner and south lawn. it was nothing short of awesome...before i got my picture taken.

  7. hmm

    I'm pretty sure I know this award-winning RA...

  8. Anonymous  

    A (Barnard?) OL drove a Bed, Bath, and Beyond truck into a parked car in front of Amsterdam and knocked off the sideview mirror, and seriously fucked up the driver's side of the car.

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