Sep

1

Dear Bwog: Tim Burton Edition

Written by

Dear Bwog,

I got locked out of my room after showering. Again. With running mascara rivaling the Corpse Bride, I trudged down to the Hospitality Desk. That’s the fifth time this week. This has got to stop.

Frustrated,

Tim Burton Extra

Dear Tim Burton Extra,

We promise the Hospitality folks are unfazed. They’ve probs seen everything from nip slips to Spiderman boxer briefs. Even so, getting locked out is fucking annoying. Two options:

Option A) The Counterfeit Key*

Step 1) Find a SEAS kid. Or someone mechanically skilled. Or someone mildly sketchy. These may overlap.

Step 2) Present your savior with an old gift card or credit card.

Step 3) Line up your VING key with the card and drill deftly and defiantly. Way to stick it to the man.

* Always keep this key in you shower caddy.

Option B) The Door Disabler

Step 1) Find a screwdriver.

Step 2) See that black triangular hinge at the upper corner of your door. It controls the force requires to open the door and how quickly it closes. Remember that time you went to check on that kid stumbling down the hall and, before you knew it, the door slammed behind you. If you’d dismantled that hinge, you would’ve caught the door.

Love,

Bwog

Tags: , ,

9 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Option C:
    Engage the deadbolt before leaving.

  2. You could

    carry your key with you to the shower, if you really wanted to go balls-to-the-wall crazy.

  3. Um  

    That shit is illegal, don't do it, if you get caught you will get some kind of behavioral probation. Trust me, it happened to me once.

  4. Speaking from experience

    Three dudes showing up pantsless and shirtless at the help desk does indeed phase the hospitality desk. We were asked "Are you boys on the level?" before we were allowed to request a duplicate key.

  5. Escapee

    Option D:

    If you find a lost keycard and don't know who it belongs to (or don't particularly like who it belongs to), go to the hospitality desk and tell them you locked yourself out of your room. Take the spare key. Swap it with the key you found. Return the found key, pocket the spare of your key.

    Note: The enterprising student who happens to own a drill can operate a small business making copies for a tidy sum. I think a guy on my floor was charging like 10 dollars. And you had to provide the blank card.

  6. drills?

    I used to make mine with a corkscrew. Or a swiss army knife. Or the corkscrew part of the swiss army knife followed by the knife part of the swiss army knife. And no, not SEAS.

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.