Carolyn Ruvkun, our Monday Daily Editor, lives off-campus. Even though most things are better for people like her (you don’t have to use Columbia bathrooms!), you are a half-person without swipe access to any dorm. Carolyn went on a quest to right these terrible wrongs. Follow these simple steps to get the Swipe Sticker of Dreams.

1. Go to 310 East Campus, where a lovely secretary will give you a form. (I was literally sent to 5 different places first, so reading this is useful.)
2. Take the time to fill out this form. Kristen Sylvester, housing associate and all around awesome person, told me that most swipe access applicants in SEAS and CC are accepted, but it’s still worth giving detailed answers. The form asks which residence halls you want access to and why. I just said all of them, in the off chance I decide to go hunting for Harmony. Write that you have friends who live in and belong to clubs that meet in all the residence halls. Bonus: you’re a piano virtuoso and need access to practice rooms. (Lerner pianists, there are pianos elsewhere!)
3. This form is taken to Public Safety, Student Affairs office and a few other places, just to verify you’re legit. According to Kristen, Housing is in the process of revamping the commuter access application process to make it more streamlined. Kudos, Columbia.
4. In a couple weeks, you’ll hear back from Cristen Kromm, Assistant for Residential Programs, and Nikkia Sharpe, Manager for Housing Service. Go pick up your shiny new sticker at the Hospitality Desk.

Access granted. Welcome to the inner circle.

Update: Eerily prescient, Tracy Parker and Nikkia Sharpe, just emailed Bwog about the new and improved process. It’s online now! Moving is totally overrated. Check it out here. In case you were worried, you still have to fill out a form and you still get a shiny new sticker. So, our advice isn’t totally moot.