It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Well, sort of. Hannah Goldstein, Bwog’s New York-Enthusiast-in-Residence, tells you why you should make the un-lame choice and stick around.

Fact: New York is the center of the universe. Fact: Halloween is the center of the New York social calendar. Halloween in New York means four days of pure, unadulterated insanity. And why choose sanity when you can have insanity?

New York on Halloween will restore all your faith in humanity. It will happen when you first get on the 1 train, which will inevitably be making service changes (but this weekend it will feel endearing and not annoying) and when you look around and realize that every single person in your car is dressed as a Flintstone or a Rubik’s Cube or Sonny Bono or a Chia Pet. When you get off, there will be cops everywhere (but smiley cops who will take pictures with you and your costume!) and everyone will be out on the streets heading off to their next Halloween adventure. You will see more ridiculous costumes, like a couple dressed up as a pair of eyeballs, or the full cast of Alice in Wonderland. And then you will experience a spiritual revelation, and all your trendy hipster jadedness will fade away, if just for the weekend. U will ♥ NY. Promise!

You have no excuse not to partake in the collective citywide festivity. Midterms are over (unless they aren’t, in which case we offer our deepest sympathies). You have free time now! And if New York on an off day has enough things to do to keep a weekly time-out magazine in business, New York on Halloween has enough things to do to inspire, well, a Halloween-themed issue of that magazine! Years of lame high-school basement parties where you played Spin-the-Bottle and drank spiked fruit punch did not build up to going back home instead of to a rave or haunted house or costume party on the Empire Hotel Rooftop. It’s the 35th anniversary of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and everyone knows that New York is where it caught on and thus the only place to watch it. There is so much to do.

Why go to your inferior hometown or to an inferior city? Your high-school incarnation would be so disappointed in you. So stay in the city this weekend. Go crazy, and use those two days off to recover. You won’t regret it.

(Clearly he was talking about Halloween.)