Dec

12

Dear Bwog: When It Rains, It Pours Edition

Written by

This week brought a doozy of dramatic distractions. Then the sky cried, and Bwog stepped in a puddle of tears. So, we dug up this installment of Dear Bwog from the archives.

Dear Bwog,

The following is my stream of consciousness while trying to write a paper in 209:

Curse you cursor, mocking my mindlessness and blinking before my blank screen! That grad student sitting across from me is revealing a little too much chest hair. When did unbuttoning the top three buttons become acceptable? Now he’s twirling his pen. He’s got skills. Damn, I wish I could twirl a pen like that… The powers that be should create stilts to prop open eyelids… I have to fart… Whatever happened to Ja Rule …and Legends of the Hidden Temple?

Here’s the deal: I have a ton of shit to do. Out of nowhere, I was hit with a boatload of work. Wanna do it for me?

Sincerely,

Seriously screwed.

Dear Seriously Screwed,

First things first, people don’t go to Butler 209 to study; they go to be seen studying. And you have things to do, so leave now. While you’re ascending the Butler steps, stare up into the knowing eyes of Butler himself. He made it, and so can you, my friend.

Now don’t go sitting next to someone hot. You may think that sitting across from someone attractive will make you want to look studious and therefore you will be studious. But you are wrong.

Find a space? Good. Now, we could tell you to load up on caffeine and crank it out, but that wouldn’t be too inspirational. Instead, take 5 minutes to go outside and walk briskly around that narrow grassy knoll between the two lawns. Just do it. You deserve it, pal.

So now you’re back in your seat. Devote the next 15 minutes to writing whatever random ideas you’ve got bobbing around that insightful brain of yours. Ellipses are your friend; you’re not engraving this anywhere. Just type like you’re taking one of those Words Per Minute tests—the ones you sometimes use to procrastinate, except now you’re actually working.

Wow, look at that! You have some words on a page. Kudos! Now print out your jumbled jargon and grab a writing utensil. Sometimes it’s really fun to write with a colorful pen. Why assault your precious retinas with grading-pen red when you can opt for sea-foam blue? Draw lines and squiggles to start connecting and organizing your ideas. Now you have a rough outline. You’re such a champ!

Don’t forget that you go to Columbia. And that’s pretty fucking cool. Remember back in the day when you first saw Butler and thought, “I’m going to think big things in there.” Or maybe you didn’t think that. Anywho, momentous contemplation went down right here. According to Aristotle, that should be pretty pleasurable. So, throw yourself into your thoughts the way all those happy philosophers did.

Love,

Bwog

P.S. Adderall is for pussies.

P.P.S  Shit seriously hit the fan this week, and you commenters sound exasperated. If you’re in a funk forrealz, there’s nothing wrong with seeking support.

Counseling and Psychological Services: 212-854-2878
Nightline Peer Counseling: 212-854-7777
Office of the University Chaplain: 212-854-1493
Residential Programs: 212-854-6805

you deserve to feel awesome.

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59 Comments

  1. sleepless in butler

    but i've already read this...i don't have facebook anymore, man. how am i supposed to procrastinate now?

  2. Anonymous  

    i like you, bwog. i like you a lot.

  3. Will someone please

    Explain inception already??

    • Learned

      fucking foote, explain Inception god dammit.

    • The whole thing  

      was a con to make people think it was intellectually deep when its just a genre picture.

      • No  

        It wasn't a con. It didn't make itself out to be "deep". It made itself out to be a very creatively premised action movie that had more to do with the world of video games than of dreams. If you're looking for some kind mind-blowing Descartian WTF moment you either a.) came expecting the wrong thing or b.) just didn't get the damn movie. Seriously, it's not that hard to follow the plot, reading reviews for Inception made me question the average intelligence of movie critics.

        • Anonymous  

          Actually, I think the only people who thought the movie was deep were people who don't have the capacity to see how shallow the movie was (like a, "if you can't see the bottom it must be miles deep" kind of thing). That would explain why critics thought it was interesting, but not deep. And that would explain why you think it's deep.

          Also, Inception clearly went for CARTESIAN themes, and they did so with little subtlety. The fact of the matter is that most people wouldn't pick up on that reference, and this is a college full of undergrads who are required to understand that reference.

  4. 209 showoff  

    see me flex my pecks or knowledge

  5. Kirk Fogg

    Imma bust out my external hard drive and watch some Legends of the Hidden Temple now. There goes me getting any work done tonight...

  6. Yerr,  

    whoevers checking bwog and at butler-- lets have a procrastination meet at the reserves at 11pm! lols

  7. Dmitri Mendeleev  

    I though about writing a witty poem expressing how Bwog is the essential part of my procrastination routine, but then I realized I was a science major and thought otherwise.

  8. never gets old does it?  

    nope
    Kinda makes you wanna...
    break into song?
    Yep.

    We all love Butler
    and all its common sights
    that pretty ceiling
    And every orgo night

    I love the whole thing
    and all its sights and sounds

    boom de yada boom de yada boom de yada boom de yada

    the dirty bathrooms
    raj at the cafe
    the circulation desk
    Where youll find Jose

    boom de yada boom de yada boom de yada boom de yada

    Ah come on we all love butler

  9. Butler is for

    showoffs... Lehman is for real work, and if you are a pro you work in your room.

  10. Anonymous  

    Butler is not for showoffs, but I do love Lehman. How can anyone study in their room?

  11. imagine that  

    "So, we dug up this installment of Dear Bwog from the archives."

  12. BUSTED  

    snitches get stitches

  13. whose  

    in butler now and wants to have a group bitching sess?

  14. um  

    is this about some1?

  15. ..dude  

    it's 4 am. we're in college. finals start next week. who the fuck is actually asleep?

  16. well  

    HIDE YOUR KIDS, HIDE YOUR WIFE

  17. best part of the letter  

    I have to fart…

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