No Labels: Speeches About Bipartisanship Aren’t Interesting
Written by Bwog Staff
On Monday No Labels took over Roone Arledge Auditorium, and Alex Jones was there to check out all of the super-exciting bipartisan action.
The event started at the ungodly hour of 8 a.m., and began with an address by the four “founding leaders.” What followed can only be described as uncomfortable. No Labels commissioned Akon to write a song about bipartisanship‚—because Akon is the post-partisan hip-hop equivalent of Henry Clay, apparently. The crowd (mostly middle-aged to elderly) swayed back and forth to such inspiring lines as, “see a man with a blue tie, see a man with a red tie, so how about we tie ourselves together and get it done.” It was an auto-tuned, bipartisan sight to see.
In case you haven’t picked up on it by now, No Labels is an organization that would like to inspire bipartisan politics. So Democrats and Republicans take off their “labels,” forget which team they play for, and everything works much better. This event was the kick-off for the 2012 election cycle, and No Labels gathered a dozen or so prominent Republicans and Democrats to give short speeches in support of the No Labels ideology.
The speakers, however, didn’t have much substance per se, but instead stayed in the abstract realm of political no-nothings. In fact, it kind of sounded to Bwog like these politicians came here to whine about how hard things are now a-days. So things are difficult now, sure, but does bipartisanship really help at all? Don’t we just want good-hearted partisanship? How about passing around Oreos and milk during every roll call vote? The No Labels event just doesn’t seem like a profitable exercise if they are only complaining about things going wrong and not proposing a solution.
Talking about what each speaker said doesn’t seem necessary because everyone just repeated permutations of the same basic argument:
- Hyper-partisanship is worse than ever
- The people need good government more than ever
- We’re basically fucked
If you write those statements twice each on a die, and you roll that die three times, you have just drafted a speech with as much coherency and importance as was given by each speaker. So sleep well knowing that something out there is wrong, and some people are concerned about it, but it’s anyone’s guess how to fix it. Sounds a bit familiar.