Call for Opening Remarks!

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  1. shoot  

    my first-day-of-school clogs are getting ruined in this weather!

  2. ??????  

    "These are 5 reasons not to take this class"

  3. Anonymous  

    did anyone else just straight up skip all of their first day of classes? weather sucked, I wanted to sleep in, I only had one anyway... Those arguments sounded convincing when I was laying in bed at least..

  4. Brandon

    "prepare to have no social life."

  5. Spiegelman, E2101  

    In the middle of lecture, his cell phone rings.
    "Hi sweetie, I'm teaching"

  6. Anonymous  

    A little vodka makes coffee and class better.

  7. Anonymous  

    Professor John Collins of the Philosophy department on why he doesn't use CourseWorks:

    "I'm a bit of a maverick. Well, not like Sarah Palin. I'm an unarmed maverick."

  8. Ovidiu Savin, Calc III  

    "If you guys don't want to come to class because it's too boring that's okay, just drop off the homework upstairs"

  9. D. Mowshowitz  

    "The makeup session will be optional but to try and get more of you guys to go to an optional class, I'm going to be discussing the sexiest topic I can think of: cancer."

  10. Samuel Roberts

    When asking the (history major's senior thesis prep course, taken spring of junior year) class why we want to write a thesis:

    "[So you] all want to be professors? Don't do it, kids".

  11. MDM  

    (In reference to what we should to to solve complicated differential equations)
    "When you don't know what to do, be wise and linearize."
    -- Allan Blaer, Mathematical Methods of Physics

    "I know this is baby example, but we are going to be babies in this class."
    -- Ovidiu Munteanu

  12. Forget that,

    Refering to the fact that there was an upper chalk board that was there just for look in the NW Corner Building: \Do you know how much this building costs\. Or even better, commenting on the lack of chalk, board, clock and easer. I'm just going to termit this lecture into your brain\ My fav prof so far, he handled that epicly and professionally, I would have had a nervous break down during class if that happened to me while teaching.

  13. Marcellus Blount, AfricanAmerican Lit II

    "I don't like the Columbia Bookstore. But I know some of you do because you can...what's that word...you can "flex" there. I don't know what that means. But I thought I'd say it anyway."

  14. Gareth Williams  

    I don't have a particular quotation from this god among men, but he spent a good chunk of class explaining how a reference to frogs disturbing Horace's sleep ended up altering the long-assumed chronology of Satires 1.5 in the 20th century.

  15. Dr. J  

    "Howdy, howdy. Happy new year. Are you ready to rock and roll, ladies?"
    "Are you sufficiently impressed with my jacket? Good. I'm taking it off."
    "Your calculator is a tool, your textbook is a tool, your instructor is a...resource."

  16. Frye

    Today your minds want to save the world, after you graduate you'll probably forget that and you'll be crunching numbers on Wall Street and figuring out how a .5% gain equates to your new summer house in the Hamptons.

  17. Michael Como  

    I've noticed that Columbia students have an amazing ability to make things more complicated than necessary.

  18. CC10  

    Michael Heller, Property (Law School: "I emailed you all the class info sheet. I guess that's outdated now, I should have IMed it to you. But that's outdated too, so what should I do? Facebook it to you I guess. What's that? (listens to a student suggestion) MySpace? No, that's not cool."

  19. Lit Hum  

    Samuel Spinner, LH Instructor after a student is ambivalent about casting a vote for her preference for/dislike of the Aeneid: \This is America. We only accept extreme opinions. If you're a moderate, you can go to Canada.\

  20. Marcellus Andrews  

    Economics is boring, and I'm not very good to look at, so I won't keep you here very long

  21. Michael Como, Buddhism: East Asian  

    [Someone responded "yoda-like" to the question, what is Buddhism?]

    Yoda-like? I've never heard that one. [in yoda voice] Interesting, you are.

  22. Sunil Gulati, Principles of Econ  

    "This guy is David Beckham, one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen."

  23. Tristan Lambert, Orgo II  

    "Your brain is using organic molecules to learn organic chemistry. Did I just blow your mind?"

    "In my lab, I would yell at my students for drawing [the structure] like that, and the reason is because I'm a jerk."

  24. Cannon Comp Sci 1004 (Java)  

    I'm going to lie to you. I'm a teacher, that's what I'm paid to do. I'm not going to deceive you, I'm going to lie.

  25. Jonathan Vogel, Intermediate Micro

    Vogel comments on how he writes difficult tests, and a student asks for the median scores on the final: "So last semester I told my class. And then I found out about culpa.info...What's written there is probably wrong."

  26. Zwarich

    Boobs are an inherent part of this course.

  27. Peter Awn - Islam

    "If you're going to do something so STUPID, so morally reprehensible... wear a condom".

  28. Akbar Zaidi  

    "I'm told that the difference between an undergraduate course and a graduate course is that in an undergraduate course I do all the work and you do none of the reading."

  29. Anonymous  

    Francesco Brindisi - The Political Economy of urban Economic Development

    Now for next week you'll need to read this paper. It's a very nice paper. It's got a ton of algebra. Just forget the algebra and look at the pictures.

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