Jan

20

Opening Remarks: On Mavericks and Boobs

Written by

Professors will say anything to get you hooked, and Bwog is sure that these characters will still have full classes come March. Keep sending in the hilarious, horrifying and otherwise memorable to [email protected]

John Collins, Metaphysics

“I’m a bit of a maverick. Well, not like Sarah Palin. I’m an unarmed maverick.”

Ovidiu Savin, Calculus III

“If you guys don’t want to come to class because it’s too boring, that’s okay. Just drop off the homework upstairs.”

Allan Blaer, Mathematical Methods of Physics

“When you don’t know what to do, be wise and linearize.”

Deborah Mowshowitz, Introductory Biology II: Cell Biology, Development & Physiology

“The makeup session will be optional, but to try and get more of you guys to go to an optional class, I’m going to be discussing the sexiest topic I can think of: cancer.”

Marcellus Blount, African American Literature II

“I don’t like the Columbia Bookstore. But I know some of you do because you can—what’s that word—you can “flex” there. I don’t know what that means. But I thought I’d say it anyway.”

Jennifer Zwarich, Introduction to the Study and Theory of Film

“Boobs are an inherent part of this course.”

Jacob Alexander, Molecules and Matter: Fundamentals of Chemistry

“Your calculator is a tool, your textbook is a tool, your instructor is a…resource.”

Michael Como, Buddhism: East Asian

“I’ve noticed that Columbia students have an amazing ability to make things more complicated than necessary.”

Timothy Frye, Political Economy of Development

“Today, your minds want to save the world. After you graduate, you’ll probably forget that, and you’ll be crunching numbers on Wall Street and figuring out how a 0.5% gain equates to your new summer house in the Hamptons.”

Tristan Lambert, Organic Chemistry II

“Your brain is using organic molecules to learn organic chemistry. Did I just blow your mind?”

Sunil Gulati, Principles of Economics

“This guy is David Beckham, one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen.”

Samuel Spinner, Literature Humanities

“This is America. We only accept extreme opinions. If you’re a moderate, you can go to Canada.”

Jonathan Vogel, Intermediate Microeconomics

After a student asks for the median scores on the final: “So last semester I told my class. And then I found out about culpa.info…what’s written there is probably wrong.”

Christopher Conlon, Econometrics

Giving an example of a discrete random variable: “How many Four Lokos you had last weekend.”

Adam Cannon, Intro to Computer Science/Programming-Java

“I’m going to lie to you. I’m a teacher; that’s what I’m paid to do. I’m not going to deceive you. I’m going to lie.”

Samuel Roberts, Historical Theories and Methods

“So you all want to be professors? Don’t do it, kids.”

Peter Awn, Islam

“If you’re going to do something so STUPID, so morally reprehensible… wear a condom”.

Marc Spiegelman, Introduction to Applied Mathematics

His cell phone rings during class: “Hi sweetie, I’m teaching.”

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24 Comments

  1. out of curiousity

    from where did you obtain these quotes?

  2. Anonymous  

    The mysterious Dr. J = Dr. Jacob Alexander, who teaches chem at Barnard. He goes by Dr. J because, "There's already a Dr. Alexander in my family, and no one likes him very much."

  3. Anonymous  

    Adam Cannon said a lot of hilarious things yesterday. I almost sent in that quote myself.

  4. My Profs

    Are super quotable this semester. Glad to see a few of mine made the cut!

  5. ...  

    "...and film theorists such as Tom Gunning, referred to the reactions to these very early films as 'an aesthetic of astonishment.' There was no plot at all, people were just there to see something new and amazing, simple moving images on a screen utilizing new and exciting technology. This tradition lives on today, in Avatar."

    --Lejla Kucukalic - Science Fiction

    [quote ain't exact, i've been drinking, somebody correct me please, but i think i captured the spirit of it, and maybe it's not that funny afterall, i guess you had to be there]

  6. senior  

    wtf is it with courseworks? "Please note: CourseWorks is still experiencing some slowness due to high usage. We hope this will be resolved by tomorrow. If you continue to receive errors, please DO NOT login again and again. Instead please wait for 20-30 minutes and then try again. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience. 01/21/11 8:00 am."

    so glad to be outta here soon.

  7. Anonymous  

    E'mett McCaskill, - Abnormal Behavior

    \If someone comes to class pantsless with just a t-shirt on, are they displaying signs of abnormal behavior? Or are they just hot?\

  8. Anonymous

    Abnormal behavior, hot Barnard girls are few and far between. Reminds me of this chunky girl that pulled that episode on our class a few semesters back, and I'm still haunted by the horrible image of her cottage cheese and varicose vein legs.

  9. Anonymous  

    Beckham, Gulati? Where is your US Soccer pride?

    • Anonymous  

      Well technically Beckham is now a part of US Soccer on LA, probably wont even make the english national team anyway

    • Anonymous  

      "Where's his US pride?" He practically owns the US soccer team:

      "Elected in March 2006, Gulati is one of the most influential figures in the development of US soccer over the past 30 years.[2] Former USSF president and Major League Soccer founder Alan Rothenberg called Gulati "the single most important person in the development of soccer in this country.".[3] "

      Yeah, NBD, just because he said one comment about Beckham must make him a hater. youre the hater, hater.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunil_Gulati

  10. dmowsh  

    mowshowitz says that every year.

  11. arparp

    Does anyone have context on the Awn quote?

    • Awn

      He was talking about the stance of the Roman Catholic church, and others, on the use of birth control, especially in places where AIDs is rampant. His point is that instead of a blanket "no birth control" rule all together, the church should put a disclaimer on it. I.E: If you're going to bone before marriage and risk going to hell, wrap it up so you don't get killed/kill other people.

  12. Pop Tarts  

    From the Ethnographic Imagination, taught by Claudio Lomnitz:

    "Do you mind if I shut the door? It's paranoia....I don't want to ever have my back to an open door....

    It's a South American thing."

  13. Anonymous  

    From Programming Languages and Translators, taught by Alfred Aho:
    "Mark Zuckerberg has half a billion losers . . . users . . ."

  14. Anonymous  

    sam spinner ftw

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