Dear Bwog: Dating Dilemmas Edition
Written by Bwog Staff
Never fear, Columbians. Dear Bwog has returned once again to help you solve your collegiate quandaries. This week, our favorite “heterosexual male Suzy May” tackles one of the tougher issues of college dating—what to do when the one you “love” is fading you out.
After what I thought were three successful dates, this guy I thought really liked me started to cool down very quickly. No concrete plans, evasive texts, (“super busy”), even though the semester had barely begun, etc. I haven’t heard from him for two weeks now and having inquired, I know he’s not dating anyone new. I don’t want to push this or seem psycho, but I’m genuinely confused about what happened here. What’s wrong with guys?!
Confuzzled in Furnald
One thing we all often forget when dating is the simple fact that no matter how much one party might wish for it to be the case, every date will not necessarily lead to a relationship. Dating involves experimentation, and three dates does not a relationship make. But between the two extremes of the instant life-changing connection/immediate relationship status update and abysmal failure that results in a pretend emergency call from your emotionally unstable roommate halfway through your first drink, most dates actually go well.
You’re both dressed up, excited, and hoping for the best. Sure, there’ll be a few lulls here and there, but generally, you’ll experience laughter, conversation, and lots of smiling. Simply put, only train-wreck first dates don’t lead to a second. The reason not to do this again isn’t necessarily obvious.
Hard as it may be to hear, it takes a few tries to see if you and your date have chemistry, if there’s something there. Once might be a fluke; twice is encouraging though not necessarily a pattern, but if within three dates there are already signs of diminishing returns, that’s usually the point when things should cool off before feelings get hurt.
No, you didn’t do anything wrong. If life were a bout of speed dating, this brush-off would be the equivalent of him not checking your name on his card. In your case, the band-aid was pulled off very slowly, which, yeah, can be hurtful, and even a little cowardly, but to play devil’s advocate: face-to-face rejection is overrated. No one needs the emotional drainage of a breakup after three dates. I’m afraid that that apologetic, overly-friendly, nod-and-walk you’ll inevitably receive when running into him on College Walk will have to do.