Grammar Police, Assemble! (Updated With Response)
Written by Bwog Staff
As Bwog knows all too well, there’s nothing a Columbia student hates more than bad grammar. This Bwogger figures a kitten must die with every its vs. it’s error (I mean, why else would these lil’ mistakes always get everyone’s panties in a twist?). In response to the Philolexian Society’s recent grammatical gaffe, one Columbian thought the group might want to change its tagline to this: “Philo: Taking the Literary out of Literary Society since 1802.” It’s okay Philo, we still think you’re swell, even if grammar isn’t always your strong point. Solidarity!
George W. Bush: Livin’ With Shame Since 2001
UPDATE: Bwog received the following e-mail this evening:
subject: Philolexian Response: ComparativeGate.
Since your estimable news organization has recently exposed that a phlier (read: “flyer”) printed under our name contains a marked grammatical error, the Philolexian Society is committed to launching the most serious of internal investigations, most rigorous of soul searchings, and a frisking to put the TSA to shame. We can assure you that we are taking this matter as seriously as is humanly possible: we consider words our children, and to find that we have so misused them we feel can only be compared to a tragic anagnorisis—say, of Seneca’s Thyestes. We have established a Truth and Reconciliation Commission; they have their work cut out for them, as we’ve never been much for reconciling ourselves to the truth. We have also assembled crack teams of experts on the writings of the Marquis de Sade to suggest penalties toeing that fine line between Eighth Amendment violations and a night at a kink club. You might also have expected that the author of this letter—responsible for keeping the Society literary and, on some occasion, literate—to have taken the metaphorical and literal axe for this gaffe on top of whatever sentencing we might hand out to those actually responsible for this gross mishap—but that the Society refused to pass its most recent proposed resolution, “Resolved: It is better to die with dignity than to live in shame.” (Lucky breaks: take them when you can.) We assure Columbians, above all, not to panic: we will soon be back to producing syntactically impeccable, stylistically unparalleled, and thoroughly absurd strings of syntagms for your aural pleasure.
Yours most humbly,
Literary Czar, the Philolexian Society of Columbia University.
Tags: bwog does not endorse assassinations, comparativegate, george w. bush, grammar police, is ritual suicide like taking a preemptive strike on your life, philolexian society, ritual suicide, shit happens