Senior Wisdom: Doug Yolen

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Bwog is delighted to present Senior Wisdom from the class of 2011. We feel like proud parents, even though we are younger than all of these people.

Name, school: Doug Yolen, SEAS. I apologize for the incorrect grammar in the responses to these questions

Claim to fame: I was able to get on Senior Wisdom by making a bet with a Bwog member that if I could get her a Bacchanal shirt, she would put me on Senior Wisdom. She didn’t think I’d win and now you all have to deal with me.

Where are you going? This summer I’m taking a trip to Europe with the awesome Keshal Patel and then starting a consulting job here in NYC in August. But look out for younger brother Will to be here. SEAS 2015!

Three things you learned at Columbia:
1) The biggest gambles in life that are beyond your control are: registration times for classes, the housing lottery, and whether a CORE curriculum class will be interesting.
2) The best Passover Seder is one that includes two Muslims, two Indians, one Filipino, one Korean, one Roman Catholic Italian, my Jewish family, and gefilte fish. Basically, if the representatives to the UN each had to have four cups of wine over the course of a long meal, all international conflicts would be solved.
3) Fireside chats with Prezbo, lunchbox meetings with Dean Pena Mora, or dinner events with Dean Moody-Adams or Dean Shollenberger are ways for students who are angry at the world to voice their grievances. If you’re going to go, prepare to be annoyed, but enjoy the free meal.

“Back in my day…” Gateway did not let us choose our project and groups, the class was taught by Jack McGourty, and it never had us learn how to code in MatLab. It has changed every year. You would think that an introductory class in SEAS could figure out some way to be, ya know, optimally engineered.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I am responsible for adding the professor Ted Mosby to Columbia’s CULPA pages. I highly recommend his classes in Architecture 101 and Robin 101.

Is the war on fun over? Who won? Any war stories? No. My freshman year a few friends and I decided it would be funny to move the entire lounge out of the kitchen in Furnald and set up a coffee shop by the elevator on the 8th floor. It was the second week of school. We were yelled at for it being a fire hazard, and probably because that was the craziest thing to happen in Furnald…..ever. Moving furniture in Furnald is apparently a bigger problem than getting drunk in John Jay. Watch out for that sofa, Public Safety.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Has anybody ever woken up one morning and said, “Wow – that Brie I had last night was absolutely incredible!”? Just think about it.

Advice for 2015: Just like ordering food to be delivered from CrackDel, housing will only respond to room problems after the third phone call. If you want a light bulb changed or heat turned off, set an alarm for yourself to call every 20 minutes. The job will get done faster and your Spicy Special will be delivered on time.

Any regrets? Story goes that engineers do not have to take the swim test because we can build a boat or a bridge to get across any body of water we may encounter. I had this plan with a few other engineers to build a raft and show up in Dodge at the time of a swim test to see if we could paddle across while the other college kids would swim next to us. It would have been priceless to try and get that raft through the turnstiles and then be allowed to put it in the pool. Other engineers feel free to give it a shot.

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  1. yo

    hey man,
    extended senior question for you: Do you think white girls like asian guys?

    recaptcha: sithcalo tool.

    TOOL. yes i know im being told something for asking this.

  2. Anonymous  

    Doug Yolen is adorable

  3. wow  

    this one is best so far! so genuine!

  4. Better  

    watch out Eli, I'ma gonna steal your man.

  5. Doug Yolen  

    is the best. end of story.

  6. Anonymous

    So funny-- and so right about the Brie.

    • Anonymous

      "Has anybody ever woken up one morning and said, “Wow – that Brie I had last night was absolutely incredible!”? Just think about it."

      No, but many a person has woken up in the morning after both grumbling, "...ugh, what was in my mouth?"

  7. Anonymous

    Amazing. Underwater basket weaving for life. Love you Doug!

  8. Even Better

    I'll fight you and Eli for Doug

  9. Anonymous  

    I can't, I can't! lol

  10. The Best  

    I'll fight all of you for Ellie and will win because I can spell her name right :) love you Doug and Ellie!!!

  11. seas '14  

    so ready to try that swim test idea

  12. Anonymous  

    Apparently, Mr. Yolen has never known the joy of an evening of triple creme, vintage champagne, and a woman who knows how to do more than use her mouth.

  13. "Any regrets?"  

    That regret sounds like a challenge - it's on. 2012 who's with me??

  14. Wow  

    I never knew SEAS boys could look like that! I might begin to frequent Mudd... Best senior wisdom yet!

  15. Dear Bwog,  

    Where is Dhruv Vasishtha's senior wisdom? I'm a freshman, and he helped me out when I was going through a hard time in the fall. He is the best. And the whole Columbia community would benefit from his wisdom!!!

  16. SEAS girl

    I couldn't agree more. He was in a few of my OR classes and he's even cuter in person.

  17. CC 2011  

    I love Doug!!! He's a wonderful person :)

  18. Anonymous  

    can we have sarah dooley senior wisdom next?

  19. Anonymous  

    Doug Yolen!!!!!! You're the man!!!!! - your IEOR friend leon gold

  20. Anonymous

    1) I too am going to Europe with you Douglas
    2) I too would have built the boat with you
    3) That passover seder was awesome

  21. Anonymous  

    Doug, you're the best, can't wait to work with you next year.

  22. Hmm?

    He kind of looks like Sam Moyn's bastard son.

  23. cc  

    SEAS kids are the best!

  24. cc'11

    1. Doug is completely awesome!
    2. We have the same birthday
    3. I'll be going to Paris at the same time and I can't wait to party with him and Keshal!

  25. fuckyeah  

    keshal patel!

  26. Anonymous  

    between ted mosby and raft-building i'm crying from laughter. best sw so far lmao

  27. Anonymous  

    i think you are stupendously wonderful. and i dont want you to graduate.

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