Wake up and learn things from the Class of 2011.

Name, school: Diana Greenwald, Columbia College

Claim to fame: Co-captain of the Columbia University Equestrian (Club) Team, getting upset about various Club Sports policies, COÖP, being a born-and-raised New Yorker who is also politically conservative, overly enthusiastic (verging on aggressive) participant in intramural sports

Where are you going? Hopping the pond. I’m going to Oxford to study Economic and Social History.

Three things you learned at Columbia:
1. How to glue shot glasses to a ski
2. There is a book in the Columbia libraries on every subject you could possibly think of. I used a book called Artists in Ohio, 1787-1900 for my senior thesis. True story.
3. I’m a nerd, you’re a nerd, we’re all nerds—and it’s frickin’ awesome.

“Back in my day…” Hormonal wizards were way cooler than hormonal vampires

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Life goal: found an alumni cooperative to buy Havana Central and restore the West End to its former glory as the storied bar of choice for generations of Columbians.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? The War on Fun is absolutely on going. Columbia is a large university with an administration that frequently behaves as if this institution is a large corporation. It is and will continue to be (at least until Robert Kasdin leaves) our job to constantly remind administrators that undergraduates are not just walking liabilities, but enthusiastic and vital members of this community. Columbia without this energy—without fun—would be a very bleak place. War story of choice: I had a disciplinary hearing for attempting to tamper with the Columbia College flag from the flagpole in front of the Public Safety office.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? One of my favorite authors from Contemporary Civilization is J.S. Mill. I will therefore apply his harm principle to this question. Too much cheese can be bad for you—obesity, heart disease, etc. To my knowledge, oral sex has none of these negative side effects.

Advice for the class of 2015: College is an essential academic and social experience. This university offers you both an amazing education and an amazing group of quirky and passionate people who become wonderful friends. The academic experience can—to a certain extent—be re-created in graduate school. The social experience cannot. Your friends and all the time you get to spend with them is the best part of college. Keep that in mind when you freak out because you went out instead of working on a problem set and/or essay.

Any regrets? I started to follow my own advice later than I should have.