May

5

Senior Wisdom: Stephanie Riederman

Written by

Hey kids, learn things from your elders

Name, school: Stephanie Riederman, CC

Claim to fame: Sanctum editor, Hillel board member, Erstwhile hip-hop blogger, Honorary Swede, The girl who lost her purse Monday night and started sobbing in the middle of 1020.

Where are you going? As of now unclear. I’m trying to get my Toby Ziegler on and find a political PR job in D.C.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Orientation week is awkward.

2. If you hit shift and highlight you can print more than one document at once. Magical!

3. Pillow-fights can be very dangerous, approach them with caution.

“Back in my day…”Columbiatch t-shirts were all the rage.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I currently hold the high score in mini basketball at the Harlem Chuck-E-Cheese. A bunch of kids tried to challenge me but I went out on top.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? That’s actually a very timely question! CUIT just reprimanded me for “allegedly” downloading Beyonce’s “I am…Sasha Fierce Album.” First of all, their charges are totally, completely, 100% false. Second of all, making me take a quiz on copyright law is not going to help anything. Basically, Columbia, please stop fighting fun, and stop trying to get in between me and Beyonce.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese rarely lets me down.

Advice for the class of 2015: I know, I know, you’re all super impressive. It was even harder for you to get in here than it was for me! Just try and leave a little bit of your obsessive-compulsiveness behind in high-school. Being stressed is usually a choice. If you try not to start every sentence with how much work you have, that alone can do wonders for your mental health.

Any regrets? Two words: Raw Elementz. Wish I’d had the guts to try out and not just learn their choreography all alone in my room.

Know someone wise? Submit your nominees’ UNIs and a few good tales to [email protected].

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38 Comments

  1. Anonymous  

    YAY steph!!!!!

  2. cc 13

    if how to print multiple documents makes it into your senior wisdom, must have been a dull 4 years.

  3. Unrelated  

    Is Bwog publishing pbk inductees?

  4. cc 14  

    My goal for the next four years: Top said score at the Harlem Chuck-E-Cheese.

  5. anonymous  

    best answer to the cheese/oral sex question ever. enjoying cheese always > enjoying oral sex every now and then

  6. Cheese...  

    rarely lets you down, but oral sex NEVER lets you down

  7. hilarious

    loved the Raw Elementz comment. get em girl

  8. sasha fierce  

    is sorry you got in trouble.

  9. steph is  

    amazingggggg!

  10. anonymous cheese lover  

    excellent balance of originality and not sounding like a tool. stephanie riederman is both preternaturally wise and a veritable encyclopedia of the east coast hip hop world.

  11. cuit

    you realize they're just protecting you from frivolous RIAA lawsuits

  12. steph rocks

    Ms. Riederman has not only managed to answer the oral sex vs. cheese question in a humurous, yet succinct manner, but has done so as an active combatant in the War on Fun. She is as amazing in person as she is in blog. I salute you, Stephanie.

  13. POST ABOUT  

    LEARNED.

    LEARNED IS THE BEST.

  14. this was super great! except,  

    "being stressed is usually a choice" is both wrong and condescending. of course being more or less stressed can often be a choice. but to suggest that feeling stress at all is 100% a matter of willpower is ridiculous.

    • ...  

      You are obnoxious.

    • Anon  

      I think you need to go back and check the definition of "usually," my friend.

      • Anonymous

        DAH! I agree but saying "my friend" is so insincere. Come on!!!

      • Anonymous  

        i do know what "usually" means, ol' chum. that's just quite a strong claim about reason's ability to control human emotions. sure, it's reassuring to believe during finals, but that doesn't make it accurate. also, i think thoughts like it tend to imply that people with mental health problems like depression are responsible for just deciding to be so darn sad all the time.

        but i'd love to see studies that show that our passions are the slave of our reason, as it were. by all means, inform me.

  15. Toby Ziegler  

    Toby Ziegler!

  16. Anonymous  

    I AM SO WISE AND FUNNY WHY WONT THEY CHOOSE ME!?!!!!!!

  17. bc '12

    they got me for downloading beyonce, too.

  18. Nuriel

    I got the same letter from CUIT in the first week of school alleging I had downloaded "Sex and the City 2." I responded simply that I would rather choke myself to death than watch that movie, let alone download it. They didn't make me take any quiz.

  19. Anonymous  

    Thank you, Stephanie.

    As a current sophomore, I'm taking your Raw Elementz regret to heart. Watch out next year, Raw. I'm coming for you.

  20. Anonymous

    WEST WING... On Bwog


    <3

  21. cc 14  

    I'M RUNNING OUTTA TIME DAMMIT!

  22. STEPHANIE

    So on her game. So brilliant. So beautiful!

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