May

6

Senior Wisdom: Learned Foote

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Learn from Learned in this next installment of Senior Wisdom.

Name, school: Learned Foote, Columbia College

Claim to fame: My e-mail address is on a bunch of spam filters because I send out the Weekly Growler for CCSC. People think my name is a joke and I’m not a real student.

Where are you going? Italy (to see Art Hum in real life), Israel, and then business consulting in Washington DC (just in time for Sarah Palin to win the presidency).

Three things you learned at Columbia:
1) Professors like it when you disagree with them. Teaching assistants, not so much.
2) Butler makes more money in food & drink sales than Ferris Booth Commons or John Jay Dining Hall. Evidently we buy more coffee and gum than full meals.
3) Economics isn’t real.

“Back in my day…” The SIPA roof could be reached with ease, and JJs Place was open until like 4 a.m.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I’m the proud father of 3 COÖP babies by 2 beautiful COÖP women, a home-schooled film critic, and the worst singer ever.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? It’s not over. The administration once stopped us from buying tiny rubber footballs on the grounds that we might throw them and injure someone. They also stopped us from bringing a large snake and a baby kangaroo onto campus. Students should fight these liability/insurance concerns until Public Safety lets us keep a pride of lions in the den in front of SIPA and/or reinstates (legitimate) drinking outdoors.

The Class of 2011 40s on 40 was a tactical advance for students in the War on Fun, and will forever remain a glorious battleground.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cottage cheese is good.

Advice for the class of 2015: Celebrate birthdays by drinking in class. Don’t date seniors or your floor mates in John Jay. Keep the spirit of 1968 alive— get involved in random campus politics: Ahmadinejad, safe spaces, ROTC etc. And respect your classmates when they disagree with you. A student body like Columbia’s is going to tic you off every now and again, but it’s worth maintaining a conversation.

Any regrets? Far too many to list. A lot of them involve fried food and disgusting energy drinks. Not doing all the readings, and cutting class too much.

Know someone wise? Submit your nominees’ UNIs and a few good tales to [email protected].

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29 Comments

  1. bc'11  

    that advice to the class of 2015 is spot on!

    I've encountered so much ignorance where I didn't expect it but it is just because people don't know and need to educate about such things.


    I <3 u Learned!

  2. Anonymous  

    LOVE LEARNED

  3. Oh man  

    Doesn't get a whole lot better than Learned Foote :)

  4. ugh  

    When are we ever going to get over this "spirit of 68" fetish?

    1968 killed this school. It took nearly 40 years for Columbia to regain the prestige that it once had in the mid-20th century. Why would today's student *leaders* want that to happen again?

  5. "Economics isn't real"  

    hahaha if he meant that as a joke (as in "real" versus "nominal") then that's awesome. If not. Well. Awkward...

  6. Sarah Palin says...  

    2011ers: stop pussy-footing around the oral sex/cheese question.

  7. So proud  

    Holla from your COÖP baby!

  8. L-Ned Lover  

    Learned you never disappoint! You're an awesome person and its been great going to school with you :)

  9. damn  

    underwhelming senior wisdom

  10. Learned  

    is awesome! great senior wisdom

  11. Anonymous  

    Read between the lines... He answered it

  12. dear learned  

    i want to have your coop babies, and your non coop babies too.

  13. CC'13  

    oof, that advice to 2015 is spot on. stay away from senior boys freshman babiez, the sex is never worth the bs. and that's even truer in john jay.

    learned sounds like an awesome dude, wish i could have known him!

  14. ROTC advocate

    Thank you, Learned, for the return of ROTC to Columbia.

    And co-sign on keeping alive the Spirit of 68. The student activists who fought for ROTC (I was one of them) very much considered themselves to be following the tradition, though not the cause, of Spirit of 68.

  15. . . . .

    I didn't know he was a real student. I just thought Learned Foote was the name assigned to the Weekly Growler. lol. I now appreciate the e-mails more.

  16. Does  

    this statement even make sense?

  17. CC11  

    Good riddance to the king of the resume-packers.

  18. Anonymous

    Best CCSC President EVER!

  19. CC'06

    Best CCSC President EVER!

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