Senior Wisdom: Learned Foote
Written by Bwog Staff
Learn from Learned in this next installment of Senior Wisdom.
Name, school: Learned Foote, Columbia College
Claim to fame: My e-mail address is on a bunch of spam filters because I send out the Weekly Growler for CCSC. People think my name is a joke and I’m not a real student.
Where are you going? Italy (to see Art Hum in real life), Israel, and then business consulting in Washington DC (just in time for Sarah Palin to win the presidency).
Three things you learned at Columbia:
1) Professors like it when you disagree with them. Teaching assistants, not so much.
2) Butler makes more money in food & drink sales than Ferris Booth Commons or John Jay Dining Hall. Evidently we buy more coffee and gum than full meals.
3) Economics isn’t real.
“Back in my day…” The SIPA roof could be reached with ease, and JJs Place was open until like 4 a.m.
Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I’m the proud father of 3 COÖP babies by 2 beautiful COÖP women, a home-schooled film critic, and the worst singer ever.
Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? It’s not over. The administration once stopped us from buying tiny rubber footballs on the grounds that we might throw them and injure someone. They also stopped us from bringing a large snake and a baby kangaroo onto campus. Students should fight these liability/insurance concerns until Public Safety lets us keep a pride of lions in the den in front of SIPA and/or reinstates (legitimate) drinking outdoors.
The Class of 2011 40s on 40 was a tactical advance for students in the War on Fun, and will forever remain a glorious battleground.
Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cottage cheese is good.
Advice for the class of 2015: Celebrate birthdays by drinking in class. Don’t date seniors or your floor mates in John Jay. Keep the spirit of 1968 alive— get involved in random campus politics: Ahmadinejad, safe spaces, ROTC etc. And respect your classmates when they disagree with you. A student body like Columbia’s is going to tic you off every now and again, but it’s worth maintaining a conversation.
Any regrets? Far too many to list. A lot of them involve fried food and disgusting energy drinks. Not doing all the readings, and cutting class too much.
Know someone wise? Submit your nominees’ UNIs and a few good tales to email@example.com.