May

7

Senior Wisdom: Brenden Cline

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Another senior bestows his wisdom upon us heathens.

Name, school: Brenden Cline, Columbia College

Claim to fame: I’m the guy to blame for the ranked choice voting system that let CU Charge win the last CCSC election  (jk Aki!). I once flustered Ann Coulter. I also started the GreenBorough Special Interest Community on 114th. Full resume available upon request.

Where are you going? Washington D.C. to do economic consulting for government agencies, mostly the EPA.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1) Loose lips spawn microagressions.

2) We live in the age of the Internet where you’re as smart as how quickly you can use your smart phone.

3) My education was a watered down version of what it should have been. Self-interested academic departments compete to attract students so they can secure more funding and faculty appointments, and some sacrifice rigor to broaden their base. See: Sustainable Development (my minor).

“Back in my day…” Campus scandals were caused by liberal radicals and Islamic dictators, not questionably-literate frat boys and my (former) thesis advisor.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I’m an economist-vegetarian: I don’t pay for meat or let it go to waste.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? MMA said there’s a ceasefire in the War on Fun for Senior Week so I think it’s just taking a power nap. That said, Public Safety doesn’t care about SIC people. Party in GreenBorough and Potluck House!

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Both are kind of gross if you think about them long enough. I’m keeping my cheese. By which I mean I would rather give up mouth sex.

Advice for the class of 2015: Revere your next four years as the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to learn and grow that they are. Play the game but break the mold. Dabble and seek out diversity of thought—the minority Republicans and religious folk on campus are not only passionate, but extremely intelligent. Work study jobs are minimum wage distractions. Get an idea of where you want to be in 20 years, then work backward and figure out your path. Have some close friends who have different personalities or values and don’t like each other for genuine perspective. Be the gadfly in Contemporary Civilizations.

Any regrets? A few. Not realizing math was actually important until after I’d given up on it. Spending more time chasing girls, albeit amazing ones, than becoming your friend. Assuming COÖP was worth skipping. Other than that, I’m down for the eternal recurrence.

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42 Comments

  1. Anonymous  

    YEAH BRENDEN!

  2. wut seriously?

    oral sex gross....wow tool...

  3. Anonymous  

    Such. a. tool.
    All his answers made me dislike him more than I thought I already did.

  4. Anonymous  

    brenden cline is the grimblee of columbia.

    <3 YUBYUB

  5. Yes.

    I had a work-study gig with Brenden. I was lucky enough to have a few long chats with him and have, since the first, thought the world of the guy.

    He's as cool as he is bright.

  6. Anonymous  

    some students have to work work study jobs...they're "distractions" that pay for food and books

  7. BrendAn  

    BrendEn, you're awesome!

  8. dude's  

    probably never been blown

  9. victory!  

    i took that pic! yeshhh i'm famous.

  10. Anonymous  

    I have no clue what your talking about Brenden. My work study "distraction" was more than minimal wage and paid for my food.

  11. Anonymous  

    Where's Norad Diamond's senior wisdom. She is awesome.

  12. Twitch

    Dear Brenden,

    I'm a frat boy. I'm also pretty fuckin' literate. You gotta remember that we cleared the exact same admissions process you did and maintain great GPAs. The frat boys who were the victims of the scandals where scholars, high school salutatorians, politically active on campus and were more than literate.

    Clever wit like that is responsible for the anti-frat atmosphere on campus that allowed the administration to take Operation Ivy League and use it as an opportunity for an inquisition. And while you pat yourself on the back for your turn of phrase, dozens upon dozens of your classmates are being thrown out of buildings they'd come to consider home.

    Thanks,
    Procrastinator.

  13. ah

    more consultants? why don't you guys make something with your own hands

  14. er...  

    "the minority Republicans and religious folk on campus are not only passionate, but extremely intelligent"

    This would be incorrect---I have not met one who fits the bill...

  15. Van Owen

    What's so bad about oral sex? Everyone who has been interviewed thus far seems to be prudish in regards to oral sex. Guys, if she's going to give you oral pleasure then you have better damn well reciprocate. Learn to love the vagina, inside AND out! Ladies, did I mention that I eat the vagina? I'll go down on the vagina like Hannibal Lecter goes down on fava beans. Nuff said...love the pussy.

  16. Wish

    I'd gotten to know Brenden better. One of the warmest and most pleasant people on this campus - best of luck dude!!!

  17. DUDE  

    brenden cline is a menace to humanity. also, he is weird and strange. i am not at all excited to be living with him next year.

  18. Anonymous  

    "diversity of thought"? economic consulting lies within the most homogenous system of thought there is.

  19. Anonymous  

    stay mad, haters. I love this guy.

  20. Annie

    I'm gonna miss you, Brenden! Every time I pass you on campus you've always put a smile on my face. =)

  21. BCline 4 eva  

    All you could be lucky ladies out there!!!! BCline's the shieeeeeeet. This Maverick can Take Your Breath Away like Tom Cruise with his Top Gun F-14- stone cold precision thrust.

  22. Anonymous  

    This kid is awesome. Hands down. It's rare that you meet someone both unpretentious and brilliant.

  23. brenden cline is great!  

    he is so nice and friendly. i also like the way he looks and talks!

  24. CC  

    The real Senior Wisdom here is Patina's mad jumping skills.

  25. Anonymous  

    I think Brenden is pretty cool

  26. that's

    racist to assume the fact that since most of the columbia 5 was a minority they couldn't read or do well in school...

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