May

19

Senior Wisdom: Derek Lipscomb

Written by

The next illustrious senior worked at a morgue and got naked. Not at the same time, though.

Name, School: Derek Lipscomb, Columbia College

Claim to Fame: An All-American Captain rugby player on the team for the school. Known more for posing nude in Columbia Rugby’s ONLY calendar as Mr. September. (there may be a few still floating around. They’ll come back to haunt me when I’m 45)

Where are you going? I will be staying here in the city and teaching at The Buckley School on E 73rd. I’ll have little 2nd graders to teach and answer all their little questions and hear their speculations on where babies come from, how old is old (so far 17 is ancient to them…). I will also be playing rugby for Old Blue. Olympics 2016 in Rio anyone?

Three things you learned at Columbia:

The first thing I learned is to SEIZE THE FREE… This place is full of free functions, foods, and gifts for the lucky. There’s no way you shouldn’t have a free shirt by now- quit slackin. The 2nd would be that to do something impulsive once in awhile, you’ll look back and thank yourself later (except when posing nude…my dad’s rant on my voicemail remains classic). And 3rd, find a professor you like and LOVE them. Everyone’s going to need a solid recommendation at some point. Why not make it some really smart guy or gal that just wants to sing your praises and talk about you being smart also. When I say love..think Elmyra from Tiny Toon Adventures (yea, I went way back)

“Back in my day…” John Jay had trays and I could fit five plates of food, 2 cups of Lemonade, and sit my fat ass down and slowly clog my arteries. Now I have to exercise and walk through the lines again if I want 3rds or 4ths… “Thought this was ‘Merica!”

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: From an inner-city school in Cincinnati, I know some chances only come once in a lifetime. Trust yourself in your leap(s) of faith, sometimes, you’re all you got.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? I am about to teach 2nd graders math and science! How fun was your 2nd grade year? If you dont remember it, it wasn’t fun enough…or something may have been wrong with your hippocampus..but that’s your problem. To answer the question..NO. And I’m WINNING…DUHHHHH…. Any stories? Hmm… I’d say Eleanor Shi (CC’11) is a catalyst to almost every one of the stories I have in mind. But I feel like my 8 semesters here could have been a movie… Albeit straight-to-dvd but it’d give Robert Ri’chard (Cousin Skeeter’s Cousin) some work…

Would you give up oral sex or cheese? Three words: Bacon Double Cheeseburger…. you tell ME if you can give that up. If you say yes, you’re a whore. (LAWLZ JK)

Advice for Class of 2015: My advice to you is to get involved in something IMMEDIATELY. Outside of class that is. The friends and networking possibilities are endless. Plus the places you will go and sights you will see are amazing. Don’t spend all your time running through the dorms. Get off campus and learn your way around the city early. Socialize outside of your immediate friend zone more often. Talk to people you have nothing in common with; get to know a life that has nothing to do with your own. And take a deep breath once in awhile, you are on one of the greatest campuses this country will ever have, immerse yourself in it.

Regrets? That I didn’t meet recent grad Ruqayyah Abdul-Karim CC’10 sooner, that we didn’t make another rugby calendar, that I didn’t touch Snoop Dogg’s face when I had the chance (damn 8’10 bodyguard), that I didn’t socialize with my professors in their office hours more (do it if you haven’t started already). Also, my biggest regret is that I spent $15 at Five Guys… for those that know me, the net amount of Gummi Bears and Jujubes lost is unfathomable..

Hope you guys enjoyed and good luck with your time here!

Attn to all the English majors and other grammar nazis: I know some of these sentences are not actually proper English, however, if you feel the dire need to correct my statements, (you’re all you got to you’re all you have) feel free. Whatever makes you feel smarter; and chances are, if you are wasting your time on this, those chances don’t come often enough, Enjoy! :D

Tags: ,

27 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Can we hear more about that morgue?

    • Derek's time at the morgue

      So last summer I worked at Mt. Sinai's morgue, courtesy of Ruqayyah doing me a solid and letting me know about it. Definitely an experience. I did everything from suturing up the people, to taking placentas (gross...) to the Lab, to actually doing full autopsies when we were short on staff. Some things I learned:

      All jokes will be dark-humored

      Emphysema is real

      If you hear the term F.O.S. run..to the hills (means Full of Sh*t..)

      Stay away from the chili in the cafe...

      Don't ever, EVER chew gum while doing an autopsy...it'll start tasting like people...unless that's your thing...but I wont judge

      The people I worked with were awesome and you would definitely enjoy your time if you decide dead folks are your thing..just warn your mother. She may not want to hug you anymore.

  2. ugh

    why are the bigger better looking guys all so unambitious and unintellectual?
    2nd grade teacher? i don't care about money but maybe try aiming for a PhD or an English professor??

    boys come on!!!

    - CC '11 Girl
    - UPenn Law '14

    • Anonymous  

      you're a moron.

    • umm, actually

      The Buckley School is an utra-prestigious prep school for the offspring of New York's upper crust. If you're shooting high, that's about as good as it gets... but I guess law school is a pretty good way of ignoring the fact that you have no idea what you're doing with your life

    • ignorance

      teaching is an immensely difficult, and much-needed job. people like you, who think teaching is something for the unambitious or mediocre, are the reason our public education system is in such a dire state right now.

      it doesn't matter where you're going for grad school - this guy is doing something great with his life, and you're a pretentious loser.

    • Anonymous

      "Olympics 2016 in Rio anyone?"

      Because there's a photo of an Olympian next to the definition of unambitious in my dictionary...

    • Wait...  

      Are you serious???

    • Anonymous  

      A second grade teacher that plays rugby is the ultimate combo of sensitive male / alpha male. I would hit.

    • Ouch  

      Penn? Really? Couldn't even get into NYU? I think you could shoot a little higher, and I'm betting that wasn't your first choice.

      Also, the only reason you included that little epithet was to somehow imply validity to your telling people to shoot higher. But, honey pie, you're shooting just about as "high" as everyone else your age with your amount of intelligence/work ethic/privilege(or luck). So congrats.

      On another note, Derek is awesome. Great guy with an awesome sense of humor and a big heart. Those kids are so lucky.

  3. Actual Nazi

    Didn't have issues with the grammer, but the lack of Pro-Facist commentary was slightly dissapointing. Love the oral/sex cheese answer tho!

  4. Anonymous

    Great decision on going to tool school! Looks like you're a natural! (Btw, enjoy a life of long, thankless hours in which you'll soon realize you make less than a baby sitter per hour).

    As a 2nd grade teacher Mr. Lipscomb will make an impact 100 times greater than anything you will ever do as a lawyer.

  5. Anonymous

    OH MY, he's really hot.

  6. Anonymous

    i absoluely lve ths guy! he wll bee deerly missd!

  7. Van Owen

    Derek, you are the man. Congratulations and good luck at The Buckley School.

  8. Anonymous

    Derek is one of the most legitimately good guys I've ever met. Wish I could've gotten to know him better...

  9. Anonymous

    is law school really pointless?

  10. wow

    derrick is simply amazing! best money i've ever spent!!!!! LOL

  11. Anonymous

    Aim a little higher? No one is impressed with Law School anymore. Derek is a good dude and doing what he wants to do with his life, can you say the same?

    AND YES LAW SCHOOL IS POINTLESS, GIVEN THAT THERE IS A HUGE SURPLUS OF LAWYERS RIGHT NOW

  12. Mr. December

    You'll be missed DLip

  13. Remember when Megan Good was on Cuzn Skeet

    Wowwww. Why does Robert Ri'chard have an apostrophe in his name though?? Man, I miss 'One on One.'

  14. Amy

    oh heyy it's Derek! Lived on your side of B'way 13. The random Asian girl cracking up to the Chapelle Show and South Park? I wish I got to know you better, though. Hope Mount Sinai was a great place to work, as I'll be there for two years. Best of luck teaching at the Buckley School!

  15. BC 2013

    THIS IS HILARIOUS. I woulda loved to have met this guy. The part about trays in John Jay- I was loling.

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.