Claim to fame: President of EAAH, Co-author of “Columbia students living in sin” policy, that guy who gives Spec quotes about safe spaces…
Where are you going? First, being Camp Director of a sleepaway camp in bumblefuck, MD. Next, juggling knives in Union Square until someone offers me a film job. Then, directing Fat Bitch 3 starring Tracy Jordan.
Three things you learned at Columbia:
1. You get unlimited license to complain about the Columbia community if you do something to try to make it better. You also get unlimited license to host celebrations for every success and unlimited license to launder ABC/SGB money into buying supplies for said celebrations.
2. It doesn’t feel so bad to pull all-nighters on homework if you’ve spent the day and evening doing things you love and being with people you care about. Plus you can always sleep after college when you are unemployed.
3. All Bwog comments are funny, none should be taken seriously, and all written by the same person. And I know who you are, Jim Applegate!
“Back in my day…” some students got so mad about the quality of food in John Jay that they went on strike. The food didn’t improve, but we got global core and ethnic studies out of it.
Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: The other day, President Spar told me she would let me transfer to Barnard for my last week of college!
Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? Let’s be real. We like the war on fun. We need the war on fun. If we didn’t have a common enemy to unite us, what would we do? Go to football games?
Also, no bar will card you if you show up in drag. Good option until you turn 21. Or after…
Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Anyone whose ever had some good fromage à trios knows you can’t have one without the other.
Advice for the class of 2015:
Please sing this advice to the tune of “Tic Toc” by Ke$ho. Preferably out loud in a public setting.
Wake up in September and you’re now in college (what up kids)
Good thing you got advice from a senior’s knowledge
‘Fore you leave, get involved cuz you give a damn
And find those really special friends (like my brother, Sam)!
I’m talkin’ campus it is awesome
But do not be a bum bum
Explore the city some some
Your classes will be great great
But your friend don’t overrate rate
Real bonds you can create
CU, baby blue
Do the things you love to do
Next year, have no fears
Do not stress about careers
Make it last, have a blast
It will all go by too fast
Use your brain, keep it sane
Butler is a house of pain
When it’s nice, don’t think twice
Go outside (that’s good advice)
Enjoy it all, spring and fall
Nostalgia will find you all
Also, get some rain boots. The drainage here sucks.
Any regrets? If I had only known transferring to Barnard would be so easy…