34 Comments
Name, school: Reni Calister, Barnard College
Claim to fame: One time I wore a bikini on stage while slapping myself with hot dogs. Another time I sold t-shirts with pictures of President Deborah Spar’s face on them. Otherwise, I guess you may know me as the President of the Class of 2011, Director of Chowdah, or Control Top member.
Where are you going? Home to Momma. Then back to New York where I will be throwing parties for UglyRhino Productions, selling tiny cupcakes, and doing stand-up wherever I smell an audience.
Three things you learned at Barnard:
1) Rules/processes/bureaucratic nonsense should never be blindly accepted, because there is almost always a way around them, just be kind and persistent.
2) It’s not OK to eat burritos in the library. It’s also not OK to eat burritos while walking.
3) One Heights margarita is never enough, two is too many.
“Back in my day…there was no such thing as a “Vag” joke. Today is better.”
Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: My brother once described me as a girl whose three favorite things in life started with the letter P: presents, parties, and people. He was right.
Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories?
The War is not yet over, but the students will prevail. How? Understand that the people who make up the ground forces of the opposing side would much rather be having fun themselves. Make friends with Public Safety, charm your Desk Attendants, befriend your RA, and party on. I invested in a cooler this year that I used to brew jungle juice, and it has been responsible for many laughs, terrible decisions, and run ins with the authorities.
Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’m a lactose intolerant lesbian.
Advice for the class of 2015.
1. Be brave and true to yourself.
2. Exercise.
3. In the wise words of Mark Twain, “Don’t let school get in the way of your education.”
4. Learn New York inside and out, it is the perfect escape from the intensity of the year.
5. Don’t talk about how stressed out you are, it will only make you more stressed and infinitely less attractive.
Any regrets? Four years of sleeping on extra-long jersey sheets instead of cotton ones, because t-shirts are comfortable but they kill the swag.
Loading …
34 Comments
@all female, female, female improv group here’s the thing: as a fellow member of Control Top, I have had the pleasure of learning what it is to truly be funny, have timing, have sass, and have fun from this beautiful and adorable woman. It is MY only regret that I waited so long in my college career to get to know Ms. Reni–I will have to face that sadness head on during my long and lonely senior nights with a handful of Tofutti Cuties and episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race. And a ton of tears. Buckets of tears. Tear buckets that I will fill then drink to re-fuel and then fill once again. Reni is the living proof of my hypothesis that being funny doesn’t require daddy issues, attention issues, or pretension. And to little mr. bwog snark bucket up there who is complaining about the funny kids filling out these surveys, I will have you know that Reni doesn’t have to try. It just happens. Like blowjobs when you are around me. They just happen.
Reni Calister, if you are reading this, you are a good good egg madam. I only wish you could stay longer.
@ps i have known how incredibly funny reni is since she was a freshman. sister’s got it in spades.
@She's the reason... …I came to Barnard/joined Chowdah/get up in the morning. Reni is funny as a funny thing, and so very gorgeous to match. <3 you!
@Bad answer to oral/cheese Q Lesbians can (and do) have oral sex.
@that was the point.
@i DISLIKE these comedy kids who try WAY TO HARD TO BE FUNNY…JUST BE NORMAL
@normal people are boring. what is normal anyway? sheesh.
@sorry man sorry you have no timing. it must suck.
me, i love jokes. couldn’t live without them. internally wince when i hear people who can’t make them trying. not because they’re bad, but because i know how desperately they want that affirmation and how confusing it must be when something they think is funny is met with silence. it breaks my heart, every day.
you shouldn’t feel bad, though. timing comes from a nearly unbearable awareness of tension. the people who are best at it are those least comfortable in their own skin. that they have found a way to be rewarded, and indeed, bring joy (or release) to others with that tension is to be commended. don’t take it personally.
we wouldn’t trade being funny for being you, but i imagine if you got a taste of it, you wouldn’t trade for us, either.
@Waxima Perez You aren’t funny.
:(
@lol fake cheese! how RANDOM!
i, for one, don’t know how a spirit can BE so free
@CC'11 Why did I not know sooner that you’re a lesbian, this is sad…we still have senior week, I’d love to hook up with you. also, awesome advice, especially about being true to yourself. you’re cool.
@there is nothing better than a warm Reni Calister atop a lebanese rice pilaf.
@i'm not sure what this means…but i agree!
@she is my sunshine my only sunshine….too much? NOPE///
@she makes me feel like a natural woman.
@she is better than the softest part of snow and the quiet sound of rain.
@Ahhhhhhhhh I want to crawl into Reni Calister’s arms while she rocks me gently to an old Billy Joel tune.
@Anonymous such a baller
@BC '11 I have had a crush on Reni since freshman year. I heart her.
@wait wait wait i’m a lesbian.
why have i never met her?
…this world is a cruel, cruel place.
@CC'13 holy smokes. can i experiment with you?
@bc '11 reni is THE BEST! huzzah madame president! :)
@Anonymous this girl is gorgeous…
@I think... you’re cute.
@Lesbians... …don’t eat each other out?
That… err… sucks.
@Anonymous I think the point was that they do.
@Anonymous lol. i don’t think you got it…
@Anonymous I love this girl! She was one of the OL’s in my CU Remix team and she made it so fun! Also, she’s brilliant in Chowdah!
@Brilliant Best answer to the oral sex/cheese question EVER. you’re cool. I wish i knew you.
@a fan If you say anything bad about Reni I will hack your computer and eat you. She is perfect.
@Anonymous didnt anyone teach you about reverse psychology?
@eat me please
@Fan This is the best answer to the oral sex/cheese question I’ve read! Also, in general, some very wise wisdom (Mark Twain, war on fun, all of it). I’ve never met you, but I hope you rock it in New York next year, girl!
@Anonymous I LOVE RENI!!!!