Professors’ Opening Remarks

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Professors say the darndest things. Sometimes it’s unintentional, and sometimes it’s a well planned line that they’ve used for years to break the ice. Either way, we find them funny, and Bwog collects the best quotes at the beginning and end of each semester. Here is a roundup of our favorites so far.

Prof. Lambert, Organic Chemistry

“Seriously, you just spend three years making piss?!”

Sam Moyn, Historical Origins of Human Rights

“Hi, I’m Sam, I work here.”

Evan Neely, CC

“I love reading my CULPA reviews…my favorite one, and I know who it is, we always know, goes, “I’m an athlete, so I don’t have time to do all the reading, and gets it.” No, I don’t get it! I just don’t care if you don’t talk.”

Christia Mercer, Philosophy and Feminism

“What if a penguin walked in the class smoking a cigar and told you to go fuck yourself? … I enjoy saying that too much.”

Gary Okihiro, Intro to Comparative Ethnic Studies

“…and to greet me they presented me with a pineapple, which was funny because I had just written a book about pineapples.”

Professor Simpson, Intro to Native American Studies, talking about one course book’s topic (land acquisition) versus a book involving a lot of ”sexy times”

”Getting killed for your land – SO not sexy”

Laura Kay, Life in the Universe

“We use big numbers in astronomy. You all should be getting used to billions and trillions from Congressional discussions anyway.”

“You guys pay like $5000 a class, so you might as well pay attention.”

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  1. Anonymous  

    "My uni is iph1. It took me a while to realize I'm an iphone." --Irving Herman in Applied Physics seminar.

  2. Anonymous

    "Don't piss on my foot and tell me it's raining."

  3. kinda sad

    how professors need to include profanity or sexuality to gain approval from students.

  4. Anonymous  

    "honestly, i'd rather be a vampire than write a book. they live forever. you won't care when you're dead." --josh bell in poetry and prose of the bible, on the immortality of the author.

  5. Kenneth Jackson  

    "Obesity is a huge problem."

    Sadly, most of the class missed it.

  6. Anonymous  

    professor simpson is the best

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