Bwog Sports Sunday: Duck Fartmouth

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2-2 sounds a lot better than 0-37

This weekend, the football and soccer teams made the trek up to Hanover, NH to take on the Big Green, while the field hockey team faced Dartmouth at home. After all four games were said and done, the Lions ended the weekend in dead heat with Dartmouth 2-2.  Bwog Sports Commentator and Expert Tie-Breaker Kevin Powers gives his weekly recap of sports at Columbia.

In sports, there is nothing more unsatisfying than a draw. So when the score is tied at 2-2 and heading into overtime, we demand a winner and a loser. Here are four general reasons why Columbia wins in this head-to-head match up against Dartmouth.

  1. Lions  > Grass. Big Green? Really? No matter how “big” that field of green grass in the middle of your campus is, it’s still a field of grass. Lions defecate on grass. And then kill things and eat them.
  2. New York City vs. Hanover. This is sort of like comparing the Pablo Escobar drug bust to Operation Ivy League or Occupy Wall Street to that homeless guy with a sign about the world ending. They’re just not in the same league.
  3. You say scoreboard, we say rankings.
  4. But really, have you ever been to Hanover?

Women’s Soccer (5-9):

Latest Result: The Lions pull off last-minute 2-1 victory against Dartmouth (3-11)

Highlights: Senior Liz Wicks tallied both goals in the Lions’ win on Saturday night over Ivy League rival Dartmouth. The final game-winning goal came with just 17 seconds left on the clock when sophomore Chelsea Ryan’s long throw found Wicks in the box. With the win, the Lions move into a tie for third place with Yale in the Ivy League with a 3-2 conference record.

Upcoming Contest: The Lions return home for the remainder of their regular season games, facing Manhattan first on Monday at 7pm and then Ivy League rival Yale on Saturday at 7pm.

Bwog had a chance to catch up with sophomore sensation Chelsea Ryan after the game:

Bwog: Congrats on the big win! Word is that your throw-ins set up both of the goals. What’s the secret to having the biggest throw-in in the league?

Chelsea Ryan: I like to listen to the fans in the stands who reason as to how I can throw the ball so far. Some say it’s the legs, others say it’s the core, but honestly, I have no idea. If only I knew the answer to that question, I’d be a millionaire by now.

Bwog: And how far can you actually throw a soccer ball?

CR: I have never actually measured how far I can throw, but from a general consensus from my team, they’d guess anywhere between 30-35 yards.

Bwog: Have you ever used your throw-in powers for evil instead of good?  For instance, to chuck a large object at an unfaithful beau.

CR: No, but I’ll keep that one in mind. Sometimes when the opposing team sends someone to stand in front of me when I throw, I think about throwing it in her face, but I never actually do it. Does that count?

Bwog: You should do it one time. So do you have a pet name or nickname for your throw-in? Or have opposing teams ever given it a particularly entertaining name?

CR: Hmmm. No nicknames for my throw in, but I’ve gotten some really NICE nicknames from opposing teams and their fans. My teammate just suggested “Flying Buttress” (it has nothing to do with the fact that we are currently studying for Art Hum).

Bwog: Do you have any other supernatural talents? Soccer-related or otherwise?

CR: I have a tendency to absorb random facts about pop culture/movies/entertainment and I’m usually the go-to-girl when it comes to highly important questions such as “What song did Vanessa Hudgens sing that won her the role in High School Musical?” Also, I’ll challenge anyone to the movie quote game because I’ll dominate (one of my many talents that my parents are SO proud of).

Field Hockey (7-6):

Latest Result: The Lions take down Dartmouth (8-6) 4-2

Highlights: Junior Gabby Kozlowski led the scoresheet with an assist and two goals, including the game-winner, in the Lions’ victory over the Big Green this weekend. The win moves the Lions into a tie for first place with Princeton in the Ivy League, with a conference record of 4-1. The quote of the game came in the second half after Columbia’s Molly Andrews won the ball from an opposing Big Green player. As Andrews and the Dartmouth player got up after the tussle, the Big Green player scowled at Andrews and said, “I will fucking destroy you.” Andrews calmly replied, “One word: scoreboard.”*

Upcoming Contest: The Lions take a break from Ivy League play on Tuesday to take on Lafayette on the road.

*In reality, Andrews actually complained to the ref about the Dartmouth player using the f-word, but, as we all know, history is told from the eyes of the victors.

Volleyball (12-6):

Latest Result: The Lions sweep Cornell (4-16) 3-0

Highlights: Coming off of a tough loss to Harvard last weekend, the Lions bounced back to take down Cornell in straight sets (25-22, 25-18, 25-14). Junior Heather Braunagel led the Lions with 15 kills, and junior Megan Gaughn had another double-double this weekend with 12 kills and 12 digs. The Lions are currently ranked third in the Ivy League with a 6-2 conference record, just behind Yale and Princeton who are tied for first at 7-1.

Upcoming Contest: The Lions look to continue their Ivy League success at home next weekend, facing Yale on Friday at 7pm and Brown on Saturday at 5pm in Levien Gymnasium.

Men’s Soccer (5-7-1):

Latest Result: The Lions fall 2-0 to Dartmouth (6-4-2)

Highlights: Despite dominating play in the first half, the Lions gave up two second half goals and couldn’t capitalize on their chances. The loss moves the Lions to 2-2 in the Ivy League, good enough for fifth place in the conference standings.

Upcoming Contest: The Lions look to bounce back next weekend against Yale at home at 4pm.

Football (0-6):

Latest Result: The Lions lose on the road to Dartmouth (2-4) 37-0

Highlights: Ouch!

Upcoming Contest: The Lions look for some shot at redemption next weekend at home against Yale at 12pm on Saturday at Robert K. Kraft Field.

The Big Green via Wikimedia Commons

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  1. athletics ftl  

    why do we even bother to have sports teams at Columbia? Most of them suck and thus end up curbing our already barely-existent school spirit. The worst part is that athletes take the place of actually talented students who could perhaps one day cure cancer or solve world hunger, etc. Those opportunity costs are too large to risk. I mean sure it's impressive they can throw a ball really well and all, but at the end of the day, someone who can advance the collective body of knowledge of mankind is far more valuable to society.

    • Van Owen

      Those exceptional students you are referring to are either already admitted or going to a better school, so get off of your soapbox and be thankful that you were admitted.

    • Anonymous

      Are throwing a "ball really well" and "curing cancer or solving world hunger" mutually exclusive?

    • Anonymous  

      Most of the athletes here are actually talented students. So talented they can juggle a full class schedule while dedicating 20+ hours a week to training/games/travel.

      • athlete  

        Actually it's about 20 hours for Monday-Thursdays, then 100% of Fridays and Saturdays in season. Try staying on top of studying and homework with that kind of schedule. Can't imagine it? Here's some help: it's like going to school AND working a job without weekends. Oh yeah, and your body's pretty much exhausted the whole time.

    • Anonymous  

      Our field hockey team and volleyball teams are going to be ivy league champions if they win their games this friday. why do people at columbia suck?

  2. Anonymous  

    don't feed the troll. we all know we're just filling slots. cept asian females. i feel sorry for y'all

  3. Columbia Fan  

    The "highlight" of the football game came early in the first quarter, when Columbia went to punt the ball on a 4th down. The ball was passed back to the kicker but sailed over his head and behind them. The entire Columbia team proceeded to chase after the ball as it bounced down the field into their own endzone, with the Dartmouth team in hot pursuit. Finally, one Columbia player managed to grab it in the middle of his own endzone. Seeing the Dartmouth guys closing in on him, he panicked and ran out of bounds.

    The tragic farce ended in a safety, one of the rarest plays in football, which occurs when a team is tackled with the ball in their own endzone. Dartmouth scored 2 points, and received possession of the ball on the next play.

    The rest of the game only got worse from there.

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