2-2 sounds a lot better than 0-37

This weekend, the football and soccer teams made the trek up to Hanover, NH to take on the Big Green, while the field hockey team faced Dartmouth at home. After all four games were said and done, the Lions ended the weekend in dead heat with Dartmouth 2-2.  Bwog Sports Commentator and Expert Tie-Breaker Kevin Powers gives his weekly recap of sports at Columbia.

In sports, there is nothing more unsatisfying than a draw. So when the score is tied at 2-2 and heading into overtime, we demand a winner and a loser. Here are four general reasons why Columbia wins in this head-to-head match up against Dartmouth.

  1. Lions  > Grass. Big Green? Really? No matter how “big” that field of green grass in the middle of your campus is, it’s still a field of grass. Lions defecate on grass. And then kill things and eat them.
  2. New York City vs. Hanover. This is sort of like comparing the Pablo Escobar drug bust to Operation Ivy League or Occupy Wall Street to that homeless guy with a sign about the world ending. They’re just not in the same league.
  3. You say scoreboard, we say rankings.
  4. But really, have you ever been to Hanover?

Women’s Soccer (5-9):

Latest Result: The Lions pull off last-minute 2-1 victory against Dartmouth (3-11)

Highlights: Senior Liz Wicks tallied both goals in the Lions’ win on Saturday night over Ivy League rival Dartmouth. The final game-winning goal came with just 17 seconds left on the clock when sophomore Chelsea Ryan’s long throw found Wicks in the box. With the win, the Lions move into a tie for third place with Yale in the Ivy League with a 3-2 conference record.

Upcoming Contest: The Lions return home for the remainder of their regular season games, facing Manhattan first on Monday at 7pm and then Ivy League rival Yale on Saturday at 7pm.

Bwog had a chance to catch up with sophomore sensation Chelsea Ryan after the game:

Bwog: Congrats on the big win! Word is that your throw-ins set up both of the goals. What’s the secret to having the biggest throw-in in the league?

Chelsea Ryan: I like to listen to the fans in the stands who reason as to how I can throw the ball so far. Some say it’s the legs, others say it’s the core, but honestly, I have no idea. If only I knew the answer to that question, I’d be a millionaire by now.

Bwog: And how far can you actually throw a soccer ball?

CR: I have never actually measured how far I can throw, but from a general consensus from my team, they’d guess anywhere between 30-35 yards.

Bwog: Have you ever used your throw-in powers for evil instead of good?  For instance, to chuck a large object at an unfaithful beau.

CR: No, but I’ll keep that one in mind. Sometimes when the opposing team sends someone to stand in front of me when I throw, I think about throwing it in her face, but I never actually do it. Does that count?

Bwog: You should do it one time. So do you have a pet name or nickname for your throw-in? Or have opposing teams ever given it a particularly entertaining name?

CR: Hmmm. No nicknames for my throw in, but I’ve gotten some really NICE nicknames from opposing teams and their fans. My teammate just suggested “Flying Buttress” (it has nothing to do with the fact that we are currently studying for Art Hum).

Bwog: Do you have any other supernatural talents? Soccer-related or otherwise?

CR: I have a tendency to absorb random facts about pop culture/movies/entertainment and I’m usually the go-to-girl when it comes to highly important questions such as “What song did Vanessa Hudgens sing that won her the role in High School Musical?” Also, I’ll challenge anyone to the movie quote game because I’ll dominate (one of my many talents that my parents are SO proud of).

Field Hockey (7-6):

Latest Result: The Lions take down Dartmouth (8-6) 4-2

Highlights: Junior Gabby Kozlowski led the scoresheet with an assist and two goals, including the game-winner, in the Lions’ victory over the Big Green this weekend. The win moves the Lions into a tie for first place with Princeton in the Ivy League, with a conference record of 4-1. The quote of the game came in the second half after Columbia’s Molly Andrews won the ball from an opposing Big Green player. As Andrews and the Dartmouth player got up after the tussle, the Big Green player scowled at Andrews and said, “I will fucking destroy you.” Andrews calmly replied, “One word: scoreboard.”*

Upcoming Contest: The Lions take a break from Ivy League play on Tuesday to take on Lafayette on the road.

*In reality, Andrews actually complained to the ref about the Dartmouth player using the f-word, but, as we all know, history is told from the eyes of the victors.

Volleyball (12-6):

Latest Result: The Lions sweep Cornell (4-16) 3-0

Highlights: Coming off of a tough loss to Harvard last weekend, the Lions bounced back to take down Cornell in straight sets (25-22, 25-18, 25-14). Junior Heather Braunagel led the Lions with 15 kills, and junior Megan Gaughn had another double-double this weekend with 12 kills and 12 digs. The Lions are currently ranked third in the Ivy League with a 6-2 conference record, just behind Yale and Princeton who are tied for first at 7-1.

Upcoming Contest: The Lions look to continue their Ivy League success at home next weekend, facing Yale on Friday at 7pm and Brown on Saturday at 5pm in Levien Gymnasium.

Men’s Soccer (5-7-1):

Latest Result: The Lions fall 2-0 to Dartmouth (6-4-2)

Highlights: Despite dominating play in the first half, the Lions gave up two second half goals and couldn’t capitalize on their chances. The loss moves the Lions to 2-2 in the Ivy League, good enough for fifth place in the conference standings.

Upcoming Contest: The Lions look to bounce back next weekend against Yale at home at 4pm.

Football (0-6):

Latest Result: The Lions lose on the road to Dartmouth (2-4) 37-0

Highlights: Ouch!

Upcoming Contest: The Lions look for some shot at redemption next weekend at home against Yale at 12pm on Saturday at Robert K. Kraft Field.

The Big Green via Wikimedia Commons