The NoCo librarians have stuck again! After launching a pun-laden campgain against non-spillproof mugs last week, the intrepid book-minders (there are books in there somewhere, right…?) feel it necessary to now also point out that food is not allowed in the Science and Enginerring Library. Thus, they’ve printed out a picture of a most comely actress and emblazoned her likeness with Comic Sans in a speech bubble—and now they’ve got your full attention. Quick, hide that Robicelli cupcake you paid too much for at Joe!
While they’re at it, they would also appreciate it if you stopped dumping your trash down the book return. Quantum electrodynamics is confusing enough without coffee spilled all over it.
@These signs will definitely be taken seriously. Because, I mean, come on — nothing says authority like bad jokes, capital letters, and Comic Sans.
@person Listen up. I know the shit you’ve been saying behind my back. You think I’m stupid. You think I’m immature. You think I’m a malformed, pathetic excuse for a font. Well think again, nerdhole, because I’m Comic Sans, and I’m the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.
You don’t like that your coworker used me on that note about stealing her yogurt from the break room fridge? You don’t like that I’m all over your sister-in-law’s blog? You don’t like that I’m on the sign for that new Thai place? You think I’m pedestrian and tacky? Guess the fuck what, Picasso. We don’t all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can’t all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry some people like to have fun. Sorry I’m standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest. Maybe sometime you should take off your black turtleneck, stop compulsively adjusting your Tumblr theme, and lighten the fuck up for once.
People love me. Why? Because I’m fun. I’m the life of the party. I bring levity to any situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh message about restroom etiquette? SLAM. There I am. Need to spice up the directions to your graduation party? WHAM. There again. Need to convey your fun-loving, approachable nature on your business’ website? SMACK. Like daffodils in motherfucking spring.
When people need to kick back, have fun, and party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair, I’m banging the prom queen behind the woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the clarinet, I’m shredding “Reign In Blood” on my double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is refilling his allergy prescriptions, I’m racing my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic against Tokyo gangsters who’ll kill me if I don’t cross the finish line first. I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.
It doesn’t even matter what you think. You know why, jagoff? Cause I’m famous. I am on every major operating system since Microsoft fucking Bob. I’m in your signs. I’m in your browsers. I’m in your instant messengers. I’m not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking nature and I will not rest until every uptight armchair typographer cock-hat like you is surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired, sans-serif badassery.
Enough of this bullshit. I’m gonna go get hammered with Papyrus.
[Source Mike Lacher on McSweeney’s, copied rather than linked because Bwog never checks their moderation queue]
@person 1 Yes, I have seen this. No, it will not make me take Comic Sans seriously.
@Anonymous I’m confused. Is their “or” in the statement: “if it is edible, or you didn’t bring enough to share, then it is prohibited in the SEL” an inclusive or? Because if it is interpreted as an exclusive or, and I bring enough to share ,it’s not prohibited for me to have in the SEL…
@CC'13 where is tina’s post what is going on bwog
@?? Why is the post regarding Tian Bu gone?
@check out at the top of the site
@check out *the link at the top of the site
@Anonymous it was briefly taken down
@Anonymous engin-“erring” lol
@Anonymous I love the science library – especially the very cute, very helpful young male librarian with the Hanson haircut.
@gay Another hot staff member is one of the package center guys with the shaved head and nice form-fitting khakis.
@Fashion Police Those sneakers are hideous.