Butler Archetypes: The Zombie
Written by Bwog Staff
Bleary-eyed and ready to start ranting to the nice ladies in Butler Cafe, you enter the library at the crack of dawn (okay, 10 am) to start work on that project you really, really didn’t mean to procrastinate on. But wait—what’s that smell? Is it possible that someone got here even earlier than YOU, and has since been deteriorating into a pile of eraser shavings, empty snack packaging, and last night’s clothes? Join Interior Investigator Bijan Samareh as he creates an extensive anthropological profile of the Butler Archetype who just doesn’t seem to need sleep. Ever.
It’s midnight at Butler. You get up after a few hours of solid work, feeling proud to have finished that essay after checking your Facebook a mere 17 times, Wikipediaing time-travel, and watching an episode of All That. You see a gaunt student across the small study room with a stack of books about the height of the bed you are about to go sleep in.
He or she might have a cup of coffee or a Red Bull, but you think nothing of it. You depart for a good nights’ sleep, go to class the next morning, and head back to the library to get some work done and… BAM! They’re still there!
Same clothes, same books, except they’re now accompanied by an additional 4 or 5 empty coffee cups and a half-eaten pastrami sandwich. It smells like caffeine and loneliness all at once, and makes you feel a little guilty that your major ends in -ology.
You take a seat, leaf through some note cards…
But a casual glance in the student’s direction reveals that it’s now all systems down! You see a head slam onto the desk, vibrating with a thud of defeat; an empty Red Bull can rolls to the ground. Should you wake/ignore/CAVA them? Just as your pity really starts to set in, the Zombie lifts its head, does an espresso shot, and gets back to scribbling furiously in the margins of some oversized textbook.
You should’ve known all along; it was just a disco nap.