Primal Scream For Noobs

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If you’ve been cooped up in Butler for the past week like we have, you’ve probably forgotten how to use your voice/form words/engage with others. That’s okay. For your sake, and for that of the 2015ers, we’ll repost our comprehensive guide to Columbia’s loudest and most transient school tradition.  

"O-face" optional.

Finals got you down? Then you can verbally vent your frustrations by participating in the Primal Scream. The guide for new students:

  • If your clock or watch is not auto-synced to the NIST’s Cesium Fountain Atomic Clock (i.e. the Internet), make sure you’ve set it correctly. When in doubt, Bwog recommends a cell phone for superior accuracy.
  • At midnight, open your window or go outside.
  • Scream. Loudly. It should sound like this. Morningside Heights residents will wonder if you’ve been “skewered,” apparently.
  • Keep it short. Some of you will be tempted to scream for more than three minutes. Ignore this temptation.

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  1. We are the hollow students  

    We are the tired lions
    Cramming together
    Headpiece filled with facts. Alas!
    Our dried voices, when
    We study together
    Are quiet and meaningless
    As a red flag over green grass
    Or recycling bins marked for glass
    In our green campus

    Thesis without form, coffee without creme,
    Paralysed pencil, fingers without motion;

    Those who have transferred
    With well-earned A's, to some other Campus
    Remember us—if at all—not as crazy
    Cranky bitches, but only
    As the hollow students
    The tired students.

  2. Anonymous  

    I thought this was a cool and unique Columbia tradition my freshman year. Then I realized we are just one of many colleges who do this so I felt sad. And now I am waiting until the pillow fight so I can feel special again.

    • Yeah, I know what you mean  

      My friend up at Cornell was flipping out over her first scream, and I'm just like, 'bitch pleez.'
      But it's whatever, we got the pillow fight. We're still the best.

  3. Anonymous

    nice lungs! heard everyone screaming from 112th st

  4. Anonymous  

    That was loud.

  5. EC Townhouse Resident  

    We won. We had a horn. And free candy.

  6. Anonymous

    it's primal scream, bwog! we can scream as much as we fucking want!

  7. Coooolumbia!  

    People used to say that there is no school spirit at this University, but with Primal Scream, Puppies, Orgo Night, Midnight Breakfast, and an awesome final "Hard Core" video, I see we have plenty of it.

    Coooolumbia! Coooolumbia!

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